Wednesday, August 2, 2017

'So, what are we?' A Take On Situationships.

Hey guys,

I hope that August is really good to you guys and that you accomplish every goal you've set.

*clears throat* 

Today I'd like to bring to you a very controversial topic: Situationships

For those of you that don't know what they are, let me break it down..

A situationship can be defined as two people that are romantically involved with the inclusion of but not limited to dating, house visits, shared friends, parent meeting (I think this pushing it because.. lol but I'll add it because I've heard of it happening) and lots of sex. Plot twist: no titles, no obligations, no sense of entitlement, no rules and no boundaries. 

It's 2017 and I know the vast majority of you have been involved in or you're currently involved in a situationship. It's not the ideal situation (ha!) to be in but it works for some people. Others... Not so much.

 Lol, lemme tell you about my experience with situationships.

I found a young man to be very intriguing. He was very handsome and very well put together.. I was curious about him. I was pretty new to sex or whatever but I knew I wanted to have him in that way. That way only because I had just gotten out of a shitty relationship with a psychopath and I wasn't really interested in commitment. I approached him and initiated the situationship. We actually started off as really good friends and then sex came after. I wouldn't recommend that because it complicates the situation simply because you've already established a level of affection and care for that person and sex, no matter how casual we may intend for it to be, is a very intimate act. I played myself because he did indeed stick to the whole idea of 'we're having sex and we like each other but we aren't in a relationship and we never will be' while I ended up head over heels for the kid. I mean, in love. I grew tired of being unable to define the relationship between us.. I used to say that we were 'less than lovers but more than friends'. But I realized that we would never be together and that I had to move on.

And let me tell y'all something about unrequited love: it's a BITCH. A bigger bitch than karma in my humble opinion. But I did that to myself. I gave all of me to someone who barely gave me half of them. Took me a while to let it go and get over it and it's all good now. 2 years later, I found myself in another situationship. This time, it was way different because I knew what to expect and I understood fully what I was getting myself into.

We had really good sex, we were always open and honest with each other, we didn't spend alot of unnecessary time together (I know what that causes: UNNECESSARY FLICKIN FEELINGS), we didn't speak to each other if we ended up at the same event, shit, I promise you, the only people that know we know each other are my closest friends and his.

After a while, we stopped taking care to avoid feelings and what not. I noticed I was beginning to care about what he was doing and who he did it with (which wasn't my place) and he admitted to me that he got jealous from time to time about things he saw on my social media (def not his place).. Even our interactions in real life became much more intimate. I really didn't wanna travel down the same path with him like I did on my first go round. So.. I ceased interacting with him. Cut it all the way off. Sucks but hey, you do what you must. Some days I miss it. Him. Whatever. Gross. Feelingssssss lmao :(.

Situationships can be beneficial to those involved but to be honest, one wrong move can lead to something like what occurred with homie and I. There are ways to avoid the drama and have an advantageous situationship:

  • DO NOT start a situationship with anybody you may have any remote feelings for. I'm not saying have sex with someone you hate but it'll go much smoother if you guys just have a mutual understanding and leave it there. I'm saying this because when my first situationship ended, I lost more than I gained because he was really my best friend, lover and all that wrapped up in one.
  • DON'T talk to them unless necessary. I feel as though in the beginning you should communicate enough so that you guys know what is required/desired from each other. Otherwise, keep convos short and sweet. Feelings could burst you in ya eye quick quick if y'all on FaceTime until 4AM talking about any and everything every blessed day. Speaking from experience.
  • DON'T kiss them. Yeah, this was hard for me because I love kissing. But kissing has been proven to be an intimate act that breeds feelings (for me, if not for you, cool, do ya ting).
  • ALWAYS remember it's just like a business transaction.  I said earlier, sex is an intimate act. BUT that doesn't mean you can't just get ya tings and go. Don't lay up, don't cuddle and don't sleep over. Next thing you know, you watching the other person sleep thinking bout y'all having a family together then boom, you in love and lmao, just.. No.
  • ALWAYS PROTECT YOURSELF! For fuck's sake, we all know raw sex is a wonderful feeling (if y'all wanna play dumb, that's fine too). But please, this person has NO obligation to you, that is NOT your man/woman and not because y'all having sex means you're the only person they're having sex with. Don't get caught slipping in these streets. 
  • COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY. Anybody can develop feelings at any given time. If you feel yourself becoming emotional towards that person, tell them. But be prepared if they don't feel the same way. Never hold on to someone or something if they don't want to be held on to. You are both under no obligation to each other and you can come and go as you please. If you're not being satisfied, you have every right to leave. Resentment is something you never wanna experience, take it from me. 

This is all solely what I have learned from my experience(s).

Different strokes for different folks; what may float my boat might not be able to power yours, feel me?

Because, if we're being real, situationships aren't for me. I wouldn't enter another one if you paid me. Because, I honestly feel like the feelings are inevitable. But. Just my opinion.

This has been pretty lengthy so if you got this far, you're the best. Thanks :').