I cannot express to you exactly how I feel but I will most definitely try.
I've always felt a pressing need to explain myself or make people understand where I'm coming from.
Because I hate being misunderstood, I hate when my words are taken out of context, all that. So I take the time to articulate my thoughts and figure out the best way to say whatever I'm feeling. Because I want to. I'm fully aware that I don't have to explain myself to anyone.
Recently, I've just been to myself.
Keeping a handle on my thoughts.
Protecting my space & energy.
In my element.
I thought I should just stress the importance of doing so.
People tell me that I'm somewhat of a light to them.. I appreciate that because I adore uplifting people and making sure they're good. That's all fine and dandy but I need my time to recover because I don't act like it but I do have my own problems like everyone else.
Being the empath that I am though, I feel everything for everyone I care about. I feel their pain, I feel their joy, everything..
Sometimes, I can feel the emotions of a complete stranger.
So I take the phrase 'energy doesn't lie' very seriously.
You can tell what a person is about just by the vibes they give off.
I've had people come into my life and take and take and take from me, I don't complain because I pray that people learn from me and be better which is not always the case because people have this weird superiority complex about getting 'one up' on a genuine soul which is really messed up but it happens.
That's on them and not me.
A quote by Warsan Shire is one that always rings in my head:
"But sometimes your light attracts moths and your warmth attracts parasites. Protect your space & energy."
I had to learn how to offer compassion and love to people while maintaining my boundaries & personal space, no matter who or what is around. Sometimes, I just disappear. I don't talk to anyone about anything at all. Because my emotions can become overwhelming and I've seen what happens when I let them get out of hand ..
It's imperative because there would be days I would be so tired, so frustrated, so down with no clue as to why I was feeling that way.
Only to realize I had taken on battles that were not mine or that I was battling too much negative energy.
My family used to make me feel like it was a crime to enjoy my solitude but really, who wants to deal with negative energy bouncing off the walls non-stop and people screaming or arguing for no reason? My parents both joked one day that I couldn't miss the trait of hating people because they're not really sociable, they stay to themselves. I don't hate people though, I just don't like to think of the wrong people feeding off of my energy.
I enjoy being alone. I hate being lonely. So I find the balance.
Which for me is to see my friends and share POSITIVE energy.
But God bless my sweet babies that understand when I just wanna be alone. That it's not personal but I need the time to myself. I need a reboot. Being sociable is exhausting.
Some people don't get that though. And these are the people you avoid. People that are inconsiderate. People that believe that when you ask for a minute or you take some time for yourself that you're being selfish when really it's them.
Listen y'all. For real.
It is literally life or death to protect your energy.
So if you got a friend/family member that is always on some bullshit, always negative, stagnant, with no kind of ambition or drive to do anything but negative things, LET THEM GO. CUT THEM LOOSE.
Especially if you've done all you can to help them be better. You can love them from a distance but it's best if they're not a big presence in your life.
Truth be told, you cannot force someone to grow.
Because although change might be inevitable, growth is most definitely optional/intentional.
So be mindful of the energy you receive and the energy you give off, take care of yourself.. Physically, emotionally & mentally.