Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Better Vibes x Long Live King Dre 🍃🐢

I didn't post last week because I was feeling down... In an inexplicable way.
But as I type this now with a heavy heart, I see the purpose of the pain I was feeling.
December 3rd 2017, I lost a dear friend.. Drazen. 
An actual angel that walked and talked with many of us.
Everyone’s therapist & confidante; as long as you needed a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, you can bet it was him if you guys were friends. Didn’t even have to be friends, Dre was the kindest soul you could ever meet.
My brother. 
I still don’t know what to say or how to feel.
I know I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m hurting in ways I didn’t even know possible.
It’s been a while since I’ve lost anyone so close to my heart and I’ve never been good at dealing with death. I’m not big on grief because I’m an emotional person in general. I don’t cope well with a lot of issues really but I do my best, I guess.
But death is a big one. 
And it’s always the good ones. Always.
The ones with the purest souls. The ones with the most genuine intentions. Drazen. That’s him.
Only 24 years old. The good die young and it’s just not fair.
Dre wouldn’t complain about anything at all. He always did more than you asked of him and even when you didn’t ask, he still did.
You couldn’t ask for someone with a bigger heart.
I’m realizing now that he impacted way more people with his positivity than I could’ve ever imagined. 
My friends and I can personally vouch for the times he talked us off of the ledge, he came through when nobody else would. He was the rock of our group tbh. The comfort we would seek when we couldn’t deal with life and its curve balls. I’m seeing he was the same for a whole lot of people and it has me shook.
Not because I thought it was impossible but because I wanted to be selfish and tell him about his millions of friends when that was why he was here. To impact people positively.
That’s why we all here but Dre was the physical embodiment. God saw it fit to have His angel come home.
It’s killing me to see RIP next to his name and knowing that I’ll never see that smile or hear his laugh or receive a hug again.
No more ‘outside young man’ texts lmao.
No more running into him downtown or anywhere at all.
No more pep talks when things get too tough.
All we have are memories.
But he’s here in the spirit. I know he’s at peace and I’m praying we all find that same peace. 
I’ve cried myself sick and I know he’d frown upon that but I can’t help it. I just need him to come back and tell me it was a joke so we can fight about it and then laugh about it.
Always had the answers.. Need them more than ever but that’s just not gonna happen..
God I’m sorry for questioning you because I’m honestly still tryna figure out what this is all about.
But I have no choice but to allow you to work and to trust the process.
Hear my cry, hear the cries of Drazen’s loved ones, family & friends alike.. Comfort us all. Wrap us in your loving arms. Thank you for his years spent here on Earth. Thank you for allowing him to be in my life and the lives of so many others.. Thank you for the many lessons, laughs & love we shared. Thank you for your unwavering support! I’ve been tryna hold my tears back for a while but they just won’t stop coming.. I promise your memory will live on through all of us. I promise I’ll complain less & smile more. I’ll love harder and forgive always. You’re truly irreplaceable and there’s no way we can compensate for the loss of someone like you..
But your last retweet was ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ I wish I knew the reason but if that’s all I get.. I have to deal I guess. It really sucks that this is what it took to throw things into perspective but I promise I’ll do better for you. 
I don’t think I can say anymore except this.
We love you Dre. We won’t ever forget you. I know I’ll miss you every day but I know you’ll be with me every day. With all of us. Promise to run off and start that new life we talked about way back. Better vibes brother.. Better vibes 🍃🐢. Rest in sweet peace angel.

With lots of love,
your Sugar Raye Leonard.

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