Journal Chronicles I

Honestly, the past two weeks have been a whirlwind and I am truly exhausted.
So exhausted that I completely neglected my duty as a writer and had nothing prepared for my blog.
I feel like I'm so serious most times when I do a post so this one I'll ease up.
Because at the end of the day, this is still a personal blog. I started it to talk about my life and my thoughts on certain topics and situations of life with hopes that I can help and entertain.
So far, it's been going just fine but here's a little humor for your week. Less serious.
Just me chatting to ya.
I'll just get you guys up to speed on the shambles that I call my life.

First of all, I'm not as deep into the shambles as I was because I have a new job!

Yesssss, I'm blessed because I was only jobless for four months but nonetheless, it was rough being broke fam. Thank you God for keeping me always. I learned a lot about myself and the people around me during that time and.. Man. It's been serious.
Anyways, I won't really disclose where I work at the moment but eh, I might as well tell y'all lmao..
Being the new girl is hard. You got people constantly tryna get to know you but if you already know me, you know that ain't my cup of tea. LMAOO.
Bro.
Story time.
So, I couldn't find my way around but a part of my job requires me doing these drop offs.
Man so, I asked this dude in a different department where do I find [redacted]. He introduced himself (we'll call him Jim) and whatever but I wasn't into all of that. However, I was nice about it cause ya girl was lost as a mf and it was still my first week. Anyways, Jim talked about his department and what he does then he told me where I needed to go. 5 minutes tops. I haven't seen him since. Why is that relevant?
WELL.
Another dude from that same department (we'll call him Jeff) walks up to me while I was having breakfast in the cafeteria the following week. Jeff asks if he could sit with me.

Now y'all know very well the real me was like..

But, I just said okay. It couldn't be that bad right? Just being nice right? Yeah, I thought. It was all good until he started talking.

'So, you new right?'

I'm like, 'Yeah. But you already knew that.'

So he proceeds to say 'So I heard that you and Jim talking. I wanted to know if it was serious.'

Here are a series of gifs that describe my reactions.

I almost choked on my grits. CAUSE WELL UNCLE ASS WHAT YOU MEAN?

I talked to the young man for 5 minutes. What else we talk about besides our shared workplace?
SMT.
I told Jeff, don't mix me up cause I don't know him, he don't know me. And you don't know me either. Now leave me alone. I also added that I'm quiet for a reason, don't bother me.

Dat was weird y'all. Time now, I was saying in my head.. Muddoe, when I see this Jim character again, I'll fckn...

Well. I haven't seen him and it's been another week so I'm over it. I will admit that I've been wary of literally everyone there ever since. I dunno.. I'm actually always really uncomfortable when a male hits on me or compliments me nowadays. Even if I'm attracted to you. I'm the weird one huh? My daddy told me I gotta realize the world doesn't revolve around me. Like sir, first of all, you made me like this. 

Kidding. I don't think the world revolves around me. I do firmly believe in my own space though.. I don't like to share this solitude with anyone. And not working for that short period of time pushed me back into my introverted ways. I don't like talking unless I have to or unless I like you. And you can ask my friends, I talk a lot but when I don't.. I really don't. I'm perfectly fine being in someone's company and not speaking the entire time. So, I dunno. Maybe I'm the weird one.

But besides all of that, the job itself is cool. I'm grateful for it. 

Recently, my mental state has been a bit shaky. I'm battling with myself and I kinda know why.

I'm working on being a positive being after having a convo with my dad. In the same breath of telling me the world doesn't revolve around me.... He also told me that the only person that's keeping me from my dreams and goals is me. I already knew that but when other people see it, it's a bit offsetting for me. I've never been good at receiving criticism because I'm sensitive as a mf.. But as I get older, it's getting better. It's so important to me at this point that I'm not compromising my dreams for anybody or anything. My dreams are everything to me and I'll do whatever I have to for them to come true. I believe in myself. That's the key. Be your biggest fan guys. Be proud of yourself, pat yourself on the back, give yourself a hug. Reassure yourself. Stay focused. Pray. Drink water.

Also, do me a favor and don't settle for anything less than you deserve. 

Reminder to not be a procrastinator and to not be so hard on myself. 

This is your reminder as well. You're only human. You're doing your best. 

If you KNOW you're not doing your best, stop practicing caca and get on that.

Did I mention the dude at work who was eating his grits out of a glass?????

Man.

LMAOOO. Y'all have no idea about the things I see every day.

Anyways!

It's about that time. I'm still doing research for a project I'm working on.

So, you know I love ya. Thanks for reading this blog written by a girl from the western part of an island. See you soon.

Hearts & hugs,

Raye.