The Re-Up/Better Days

Hey guys,
Hope you're all doing well, September is almost done!
Finally!
It's never a good month for me and this year, nothing changed lol.
Good news is, it's Libra season!
Which means my birthday is approaching. October 20th.
Accepting gifts, money, lunch dates & souls all month.

But, on to business.

I don’t really have any topic I’d like to develop this week because truthfully I’m still mentally exhausted from my last post.

I took a mini hiatus from the social media I normally use all the time (Snapchat & Twitter) for a week.

If you noticed, cool. If you didn’t, that’s fine too. I guess I’ll tell you guys a bit about that. 

But first!

I wanna thank everyone that read my last blog.. It’s up to 1600 views and that is amazing. 

Thank you for reading my blog on the whole! 

Thank you for sharing, thank you for everything.
Awkward hugs for you all!

When I started this blog, I really thought it’d be more like a diary to be honest.. Thought I would just be ranting all the time. 

But as I said in my first post.. This writing thing is much bigger than me.

It’s a platform & as long as people are listening, I’ll use it for the greater good.

I have so many things planned and I can’t wait to share.

Okay, mini hiatus.

Just gonna be completely real & tell you all that I had probably one of the biggest meltdowns of my life (there have been numerous big ones so I can’t say it’s the biggest lol) probably like... Two days after I posted my blog. 

It wasn’t that exact factor that pushed me to the edge but it definitely contributed to the level of stress I’m facing right now. 

‘If it caused you so much grief, why not delete it?’

Because .. Truth be told, nobody else would do it. Being a voice in a time or during a topic where nobody wants to speak has always been me.
There is nothing I haven’t been through that I haven’t gotten through.
I may be down for a bit but I will bounce back, check the title of my blog fam. 

I needed that disconnect because I needed to put some things in my life back into perspective..

I did just that & I’m more focused than ever.

Back & I’m better.

Thank you to everyone who actually  did notice that I was missing & came to check on me. I love you! 

No shade to anyone who didn’t, it’s not a big deal. 

But yeah, *shakes self because I’m straying* .

I made a post on my Snapchat about the reactions I got from my blog & I said something that’ll stay with me forever.

People came & told me things like:

‘It’s really crazy to know that happened to you.’ 

‘How are you even okay right now?’

‘I would never have known because you don’t act like it.’

Well...

Let’s just say that I’ve grown despite all the adversity I’ve faced. I’ve come a very long way & I am very proud of myself. I’ve learned to pick up the pieces & put myself back together. 

It’s been hard because some days I really just wanted to stay on the floor and let dust collect all over me until I die. For lack of a better explanation.

Explaining my depression is a task.

It comes in waves. 

Some days, a little wave that I’m able to stand through & let it roll off of me.

Other days.. It’s a salami. I mean, lmao. A tsunami.

^ A way I’m known to cope: I downplay my pain with a joke or twenty.

:).

But yes, I’m distracted again smt.

What I said in my story that evening to answer all those synonymous questions: 

‘That’s just who I am. Because when you’ve been through enough darkness, you know how important it is to spread light.’

Spreading light is so important to me because I know what it’s like to be spiraling & screaming internally and nobody notices.

Sometimes, you need that little push. That little hug. That little ‘I love you’. That reassurance (this is a big one for me). You need to hear that it’ll be okay. That you’ll get through. That for every dark night, there is a better & brighter day. I know what it’s like to need that. It’s only right to uplift people every chance I get. It’s only right to spread pure positive vibes. Even when I’m not 100% myself. 

Someone asked me, ‘How do you stay positive?’

I believe prayer changes things. Prayer. I pray. Every day.
As often as I can. 

It’s 5:37 AM as I’m writing this and as soon as I’m done, I’m going to pray. I know I’m not perfect but I know God loves me anyway. He’s working on me. 

And on days when things are perfectly fine & dandy, I pray.

When my anxiety attacks & my peace tries to escape me, I pray.

When I feel lost, I pray.

When everything goes the way I want it to, I pray. 

That’s really it. 

Why?

Because God is greater than the highs & lows. He’s intentional & never failing.

The actual love of my life. 

Everything doesn’t happen when I want it to or how I want it to all the time. . But that’s fine. 

Sabali, patience.

As it stands right now.. Everything isn’t perfect. But I won’t complain because I know how bad it could be. 

But I just wanna reinforce the fact that it gets better. Better days are coming. I cannot stress that enough. 

So, in the words of my good friend A. Major as you all may know him..

Actually..

You know what?

No I ain’t bout to quote it.

Just listen to the song. This song really really makes me happy for every time. Happier because he's actually a really good & supportive friend of mine. I'd bet my life it'll make you smile and brighten your mood.

It's called Both Worlds/Better. Here’s a link. 

Actually.. Go listen to & buy my friend’s album.

It's called The Weekend & it's really amazing.

Bey, how did this turn into a promo?
Anyways, I'm wrapping up !
I know that every person reading may not be Bahamian but majority of you are & if you haven't listened/purchased yet, thank me later.

Here are the official links to the album.
iTunes.
Spotify.
Tidal.
SoundCloud.

But y’all be safe & stay prayed up. The world is crazy. 

Hearts & hugs,

Raye.