Wednesday, September 13, 2017

The Blog About Rape

I expect a mixed reaction to this post.
But here's a disclaimer.

THIS IS NOT FOR SYMPATHY, I DON'T WANT OR NEED A PAT ON MY BACK. THIS IS TO PUSH A SERIOUS ISSUE TO THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND. WE AREN'T ABOUT TO ACT LIKE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN BECAUSE IT DOES. THIS IS MY STORY AND MY ONLY WISH IS THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO SEE THE SIDE OF THE VICTIMS IN THIS SITUATION AND THAT YOU ARE LESS IGNORANT TO THE REALITY OF RAPE CULTURE BECAUSE MANY OF YOU ARE.

Also, my story may be triggering to some. I am very sorry if this does that to you but I'm praying and hoping you find comfort in knowing that you're not alone.

Alright, here we go.

Yes, this post is about rape and the culture that has been created surrounding it.
If this topic makes you uncomfortable, I'm not forcing you to read this.
In fact, please close my blog out. You're a huge part of the problem.

Before I really get into this, please note that I am fully aware that women are not the only victims of rape - men rape men, women rape men - but the common denominator is the same.. Men. The sad fact is 99% of men are the culprits behind reported rapes.

Most rapes are never reported to the police even though society constantly preaches that women should always report a rape. Yet, when you report the rape, you just might find yourself being called a liar, a whore and sometimes TOLD that you wanted it. When you don't report it, you are STILL called a liar, a whore then told that you're making the story up. I surely didn't report my rape when it happened. I've watched too many episodes of Law & Order: SVU but also I've experienced too many real life stories where reporting a rape did nothing but re-victimize the victim over and repeatedly. On top of that, the assailants were not punished.  It's just a lose-lose situation all around.

I was drugged and raped by a young man whose advances I resisted. It felt like my fault entirely because I did set my drink down and the worst occurred because of it. I feel like that's besides the point.. Why was it so important for this character to ensure that I ended up in his bed that night? I mean, my no most definitely meant no. Yet.. I still woke up to find someone's son on top of me, inside of me.. Stroking. I tried to push him off and tell him to stop but I was in so much shock.. It felt like my motor skills were just nonexistent. You know.. I didn't even know when he finished because I passed out again? Personally, I feel as though if you're able to have sex with an unconscious person, you'd have sex with a dead one. I woke up without my pants, without my underwear.. And the young man laid next to me asleep. Truth be told, I wanted to kill him right then and there but I felt so sick; whatever was put in my drink left me dizzy, with a headache, no appetite & I was unable to use the bathroom for several days.. Messed up huh?

You wanna know what else is really messed up? Someone I called my friend was there. Along with some of his friends. The next morning, I asked her to fill in the empty spaces for me. The young man locked us both in his room and he did whatever the hell he wanted to do to me.. She knocked and no one answered. He told them that he performed oral sex on me.. Leaving out the entire truth that I was unconscious during basically everything.. I called my best friend, sobbing hysterically.. She reached out to him and he reached out to me. I would absolutely love to play the audio I recorded for you guys but then you'd know who it is. I listened to him speak .. Saying things like 'I'm sorry', 'I didn't know that you didn't know that's what I was doing, I was trying to get to know you' .. The young man even went so far as to tell me how 'good and warm' I felt. Yeah. That way. You decided the best way to get to know me would be taking my vagina while I was unconscious. Lol. Super. Clearly a winner. And to add insult to injury, you telling me how great my guts are as though I was a willing participant. Wowzers.

I never thought I would be on here telling people about this. Because I was so ashamed when it happened. If you know me, you know I pride myself on being able to defend myself.. Yet the young man stripped me of that same pride in just one night. I cried for weeks and weeks, even attempted to take my life. It sounds so cliché but this is really the reality that many victims face. Some days, I'm okay and some days I'm not. Many times, seeing the rape topic online is very triggering. But it's happening to people. The true inspiration behind this is I have a close friend that basically the same thing happened to. Differences being.. She knew her assailant and she was still a virgin when it occurred. She's much younger than me and she's much like a little sister to me so that cut me very deeply.

Why do we as women have to do so much to compensate for the weak minds of some men? Why must we be subjected to such actions all because some asshole can't take no or keep his penis to himself? It's not fair. And I've grown up being told not to ‘tease’ men, not to look enticing, not to have too short of a skirt, not to show too much cleavage etc. But why? It's because majority of these men today were not taught about the value of self accountability. 

“When you have a well-developed sense of self-accountability, you are honest with yourself, and are answerable and responsible for what you say and do. You have the ability to look beyond the immediate moment to consider the consequences and know if you are willing to pay them.” 

-Dr. Ben Benjamin, massagetoday.com.

See that? That can be anybody. It's definitely me, it can be you. Please stop telling women that they have to take extra precautions just to be safe in the streets without telling men that they must have self control and self accountability. Please stop encouraging men to be sexually aggressive. Please stop making them believe it's okay to make rape jokes and force themselves on hesitant women. Stop creating a grey area when there is none; consent is consent and no is no. Y'all hearing me? Understand that no means no, not yes. If a woman is too drunk/drugged to respond, it's still no. Hell, if you get her naked and about to slide in and she said no, it's no my guy. In a relationship and she says no? Well, sorry fam, it's a no. See? No grey area. Consent = yes. No consent = no.



Ya. Dat way.

I just want you guys to hear me. I feel like this generation has become too desensitized to this topic. It can happen to your mother, your sister, your grandmother, your daughter, your niece, your cousin, your girlfriend or your wife. Think about it. There are literally so many ways to prevent rape as a man, you guys basically have all the power in a situation like that. I'll name a few.

If you see a guy clearly harassing a woman, correct him.. Stand up for her. Be mindful of people's personal space always. Don't shout out degrading or objectifying remarks at women or make jokes about sexual assault/rape. Always communicate with sexual partners and never assume consent. And most importantly, if a friend/relative tells you that they've been raped.. Take them seriously and be supportive.


And if there is anyone, anyone at all.. If you need someone to talk to, I am here.



Until next time,
Raye.






10 comments:

  1. STRONG ASF!!!! I respect you talking about this ❤️🤞🏼

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  2. Proud of you for opening up babygirl!

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  3. im proud of you. i know this wasnt easy for you. your a very strong woman.

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  4. SHOOK! Good Job Raye �� Really Needed to be heard and even if this touches just one person then you better be proud because I am ��������

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  5. Honestly I can't even imagine how bad it was for you, experiencing that, but it takes a strong person to open up and share their story, hopefully this spark will start a fire and we as a community and humanity on the whole can erase this problem and it'll be one less thing to worry about

    -Aaron

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  6. It is about time someone addresses this taboo topic with all seriousness and realities.

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  7. Wow, some serious shit, must have really hurt you mentally and physically, I know it must of took a lot to be so brave and write this post.

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  8. Actually, men make up less than 99% of perpetrators. Most rape stats do not include rape where the victim was not forcefully penetrated, ruling out a lot of rape performed by female perpetrators and ruling out a lot of male and female victims. While men are still the majority, women could make up to 40% of perpetrators if rape is defined better to include male victims and female perpetrators.
    *that aside* victim blaming and people assuming an allegation is false is absolutely disgusting. It's fine to assume innocent until proven guilty for the alleged rapist, but then to not give that same basic right to alleged victims and determine they are guilty of lying until proven innocent is a disgusting aspect of our culture today.

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  9. This took a great amount of courage and strength to share. As you pointed out it's not a topic people like to discuss but we should. It's not okay for anyone to just take what they want from someone to that said no or to even try to take it knowing said person was already placed in a compromising position (ie drugged).

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