Journal Chronicles I

Honestly, the past two weeks have been a whirlwind and I am truly exhausted.
So exhausted that I completely neglected my duty as a writer and had nothing prepared for my blog.
I feel like I'm so serious most times when I do a post so this one I'll ease up.
Because at the end of the day, this is still a personal blog. I started it to talk about my life and my thoughts on certain topics and situations of life with hopes that I can help and entertain.
So far, it's been going just fine but here's a little humor for your week. Less serious.
Just me chatting to ya.
I'll just get you guys up to speed on the shambles that I call my life.

First of all, I'm not as deep into the shambles as I was because I have a new job!

Yesssss, I'm blessed because I was only jobless for four months but nonetheless, it was rough being broke fam. Thank you God for keeping me always. I learned a lot about myself and the people around me during that time and.. Man. It's been serious.
Anyways, I won't really disclose where I work at the moment but eh, I might as well tell y'all lmao..
Being the new girl is hard. You got people constantly tryna get to know you but if you already know me, you know that ain't my cup of tea. LMAOO.
Bro.
Story time.
So, I couldn't find my way around but a part of my job requires me doing these drop offs.
Man so, I asked this dude in a different department where do I find [redacted]. He introduced himself (we'll call him Jim) and whatever but I wasn't into all of that. However, I was nice about it cause ya girl was lost as a mf and it was still my first week. Anyways, Jim talked about his department and what he does then he told me where I needed to go. 5 minutes tops. I haven't seen him since. Why is that relevant?
WELL.
Another dude from that same department (we'll call him Jeff) walks up to me while I was having breakfast in the cafeteria the following week. Jeff asks if he could sit with me.

Now y'all know very well the real me was like..

But, I just said okay. It couldn't be that bad right? Just being nice right? Yeah, I thought. It was all good until he started talking.

'So, you new right?'

I'm like, 'Yeah. But you already knew that.'

So he proceeds to say 'So I heard that you and Jim talking. I wanted to know if it was serious.'

Here are a series of gifs that describe my reactions.

I almost choked on my grits. CAUSE WELL UNCLE ASS WHAT YOU MEAN?

I talked to the young man for 5 minutes. What else we talk about besides our shared workplace?
SMT.
I told Jeff, don't mix me up cause I don't know him, he don't know me. And you don't know me either. Now leave me alone. I also added that I'm quiet for a reason, don't bother me.

Dat was weird y'all. Time now, I was saying in my head.. Muddoe, when I see this Jim character again, I'll fckn...

Well. I haven't seen him and it's been another week so I'm over it. I will admit that I've been wary of literally everyone there ever since. I dunno.. I'm actually always really uncomfortable when a male hits on me or compliments me nowadays. Even if I'm attracted to you. I'm the weird one huh? My daddy told me I gotta realize the world doesn't revolve around me. Like sir, first of all, you made me like this. 

Kidding. I don't think the world revolves around me. I do firmly believe in my own space though.. I don't like to share this solitude with anyone. And not working for that short period of time pushed me back into my introverted ways. I don't like talking unless I have to or unless I like you. And you can ask my friends, I talk a lot but when I don't.. I really don't. I'm perfectly fine being in someone's company and not speaking the entire time. So, I dunno. Maybe I'm the weird one.

But besides all of that, the job itself is cool. I'm grateful for it. 

Recently, my mental state has been a bit shaky. I'm battling with myself and I kinda know why.

I'm working on being a positive being after having a convo with my dad. In the same breath of telling me the world doesn't revolve around me.... He also told me that the only person that's keeping me from my dreams and goals is me. I already knew that but when other people see it, it's a bit offsetting for me. I've never been good at receiving criticism because I'm sensitive as a mf.. But as I get older, it's getting better. It's so important to me at this point that I'm not compromising my dreams for anybody or anything. My dreams are everything to me and I'll do whatever I have to for them to come true. I believe in myself. That's the key. Be your biggest fan guys. Be proud of yourself, pat yourself on the back, give yourself a hug. Reassure yourself. Stay focused. Pray. Drink water.

Also, do me a favor and don't settle for anything less than you deserve. 

Reminder to not be a procrastinator and to not be so hard on myself. 

This is your reminder as well. You're only human. You're doing your best. 

If you KNOW you're not doing your best, stop practicing caca and get on that.

Did I mention the dude at work who was eating his grits out of a glass?????

Man.

LMAOOO. Y'all have no idea about the things I see every day.

Anyways!

It's about that time. I'm still doing research for a project I'm working on.

So, you know I love ya. Thanks for reading this blog written by a girl from the western part of an island. See you soon.

Hearts & hugs,

Raye.

Shaking The Table: Double Standards

Okay guyssss, this is a special blog because we have a special guest!

Show some love to Colin! He's a writer for The Solid (as am I) which is under maintenance at the moment but will be back soon!

Real excited to do this collab because 1.) YO I HAVE A GUEST! 2.) Colin is hellaaaa funny plus he’s real and raw, straight to the point always.

Okay, so this one was weighing on me for a bit because I'm all for equality.
I grew up around boys so obviously they got to do things I wanted to but couldn't because I'm a girl.
I think this is so good to have a male perspective cause y'all probably would wanna fight me lmao.
But I wanna touch on some of these stereotypes society has placed on both genders.

Side note: I'm not gonna be trashing men completely but just giving my opinion. Y'all already know, I'm not a professional!

Side note on the side of the first side note: We did this independent of each other so any similarities in our opinions are completely coincidental.

Colin: I guess I should introduce myself seeing that this is my first time here. You can refer to me as Colin or as my alias "Sway" because I don’t have all the answers. I typically say stuff that make sense most of the time, but meh. Take it as you wish. Ok on to the meat of things. Raye invited me to give some perspective on some gender issues that we all should be familiar with.

- Only women can be hoes; they must have a body count of one or none or her value decreases. Men? They can smash as many women as they please and it's nothing. 

Raye: Well, that's bullshit tbh. It's your body. Do what you want. Your value is not determined by a man. Your worth is not determined by the amount of people you sleep with. That doesn't make you more or less 'wifeable'. First of all, who wants to be your wife little boy? What can you do for me besides give me dick and a headache? Why do you feel so entitled to a woman with little to no sexual history when you've been all over the place? Cause really lol, niggas be worried about your count and can't remember their own. Can't fix ya mouth to call someone's daughter a hoe while you and your siblings have different last names. IF you wanna be like that and get technical. Niggas be out here with double digits, slinging dick any and everywhere and it's 'just boys being boys'. Y'all praise these niggas while they're whoring but God forbid a woman does the same lol. Y'all be pressed as hell. It literally has nothing to do with you, to me, because the only part of my sexual history I feel needs to be shared with a partner or potential partner is whether or not I have/had STD's. That's it. Hear me out though, DO NOT let these niggas use and abuse you. Do what you're comfortable with doing because they still gonna chase you whether your count is 2 or 20. (Shout out Tin for that last line.)

Colin: The Ipsilateral Body Count debate. Apparently, its 2017 and it’s wrong to shame women for being sexually liberal. In my humble opinion, I’m sorry it took so long it to happen. The indoctrinated patriarchal values prevalent in society has enslaved our women to an unjust social norm that disallows them to grine whomsoever they please without being labeled (hoe, slut etc.). On the other side, men are revered for their sexual achievements; the more the better and sadly, the younger you start juicing the more accolades you receive from your colleagues. But, yea. Does it all matter? Should a man worry if he is doggy number 34 on his WCW’s list? Or should a woman be weary if the dude she’s about to court only had one partner before her and may be wack in bed? My answer: Who the f*ck cares?
Like I said before, I don’t have the answers so this is just how I see things. If I’m number 50 for a lady that I’m interesting in, there best not be no 51. You gatta be done with the juicing game when you dealing dis here. “Dizzz Dick Aint Freeeee” * Kendrick Lamar voice*. If you wanna continue on your penis sampling rampage, then go right ahead. You don’t need my Vienna. I’m relationship oriented and at my current age, my end goal is marriage so if you’re not in a similar mindset then, be gone. This simply saying that I don’t really care about body counts… just don’t grine none of my boys. This is all I ask.
On the flipside again, ladies who have on the hazard lights because she is dating a virgin and fear his inexperience, don’t worry. An extraordinary sexual encounter is just as emotional as it is physical. Just how he can learn you as a person, he can learn your body and give out the proper jooks. Just teach him. Simple.

- A man is born to lead and women are meant to follow. A man taking charge shows 'leadership abilities'while a woman taking charge only makes her out to be 'bitchy' or 'bossy'.

Raye: Lmao listen. The only thing I can really admit is that everyone cannot be a leader. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, some women in authority can be bitchy/bossy but it's only because she has to demand respect. Most men cannot stomach having a woman as a boss. They be tryna undermine them or make them feel small and it's uncalled for. She's the boss for a reason. Praying that it's the wholesome reason of hard work and perseverance (no shade) so I can follow up with this.. If you wanted to be the boss, you would have put in the work. Some men be in top positions with women as their advisors. Guys be flexing their muscles as CEO and really owe their success to a woman. Humble yourselves people. Same people you pass on the way up, you gotta pass them on the way down. Kudos to the real self made bosses out here. Men and women.

Colin: I don’t even know who the hell thinks this. In case y’all didn’t know, women are very much capable humans compared to men. They can be leaders. They can be Presidents. They can be Prime Ministers. They can be Pastors (or Pastress. I think I just made that word up). They can be, dare I say it, Leaders of Political Parties…..And you know what’s the funny thing…..THEY ARE. Other parts of the world other than the U.S. and The Bahamas, we have high ranking women doing jobs typically dominated by men. But, yea. Women solid bey. Y’all take charge hya.

- Men are the providers and women should be content as housewives.

Raye: I might as well tell ya. I ain't no housewife. I ain't bout to be a stay at home mom or nothing like that lol. I have big dreams, I got golden goals. I don't see any issue in both of us providing for our household. That equal effort will make a huge difference to me. I don't care how much I work, I'd never neglect my children. Or my house. Nigga, do you knowwww how hard I worked for the things I have now? Imagine how hard I'll go for my seed or my home. Psh. I'm not marrying anybody who doesn't have the same drive as me. You crazy if you think I'm gonna just squash the independence I fought for though. Yeah, you can take care of me but I'll take care of you as well. 50/50. I plan to have assets and certain things set in place by the time I'm ready to get married so. Godspeed.

Colin: Oh yea, no bey. Y’all may take this for a joke, but let me marry a woman who making more money than me. SHE is the breadwinner in this relationship. I CAN’T WAIT. People have their own definitions of relationships/marriage and I have mine. A relationship isn’t 50/50; its 100/100. Everybody give their all. Not just finances but this goes for every intangible aspect of relationships as well. Furthermore, roles are dynamic. If I am the best chef in the world and I’m very domesticated, I could expect to put more hours in the kitchen than my lady. If my lady has her certification from BTVI for Electrical Installation, who you think I calling to install this ductless? If I wanna take paternal leave from work to take care of my 3 month old while my lady must work, why can’t I? If my lady grew up servicing cars with her old man all her life and now owns a lucrative automotive repair shop, why I going to Nassau Motors? Baby you better change that oil filter and stop joking. If I marry Ronda Rousey and someone trying to rob us at knife point, INE FIGHTING! You the Power Ranger. Protect US! Fuck adhering to gender roles. Who is best to do it should do it when they can do it.

- A man in touch with his emotions is weak; showing emotion is something only women should do.

Raye: BABYBOY CRY TO ME! If you ask me, being emotionally unavailable is a weak trait. I feel everything but I've been at a point where I've felt nothing. Apathy is not attractive. It alienates the people that care about you. I know too many men who don't know how to express themselves or show emotion. They turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms (excessive drinking and smoking are big ones) and it's just something we brush off.. That's messed up. I don't care what society says, I'm speaking for most if not all women, WE LOVE TO SEE EMOTION. Tell me why you're sad, tell me why you're angry, tell me why you're happy, tell me when you don't even know what the hell it is you're feeling. It's healthy to express yourself! It's important to me that everybody's feelings are acknowledged and respected. Sometimes we can overlook this in men because we all grew up being taught that they're the strong ones, that we must depend on them as our support system always. Well, remember that your support system needs a support system as well.

Colin: Simply put, society made this a thing. I’m sure everyone knows the phrase, “real men don’t cry” or some shit like that. Quite honestly, its bullshit. Humans experience emotions and males are human. Thus, males experience emotions. It’s the suppressing of those emotions that are toxic to the person can consequently manifest itself in other shitty personality traits like narcissism, violent tendencies, homophobia, xenophobia etc. (That last one hurt the most. Like why would you hate the Warrior Princess for any reason. I digress). The case with this is, I do believe us men should be able to (at the very least) learn how to display emotion. Fellas, I know you have emotions, just know (or learn) how to express them. If you’re sad, you can cry. Its ok. However, don’t go and Snapchat story of you all snotty up, lookin like an ass. Another thing that is recommended, talk to someone. A close friend, a counselor, a parent, your lady. If you need to tweet lyrics for 6 months, go ahead. Just don’t make it public like an ass. If you sad about spending Toyota Passo money in Ferragamo for a woman who cheated on you, you can cry fam. You can be depressed. You still a man. We all make mistakes. For the ladies, don’t emasculate your man if he cries. Just don’t. Be a pillar of strength for him. Society already is against him for not being an alpha male or at least not feigning the bravado well enough. Help him through it. Don’t buff him and go tell all your friends about it making him look like an ass.

- Women cannot sexually harass or rape men. 'What grown man lets a woman take advantage of them?'

Raye: Ironic of me to be defending males in this one but here it is. I've had male friends sexually assaulted. I mean, real life sexual assaulted. Bey, I'm sick of telling people consent is consent and no is no; there is no grey area. Even with the stories of 12 year old dudes losing their virginity to women of consenting age..  People laugh these things off when it happens to a male but it's just not funny. Like, you wouldn't think it's funny if your 14 year old daughter/sister lost her virginity to a 24 year old man right? Same rules apply. Rape jokes, actual rape/sexual assault.. I know dudes that were drugged man. I'm gonna skate off of this by saying, take this one seriously. Rape can happen to men. Women can be predators too. Don't put anything past anyone.

Colin: Ok, yes. Women can sexually harass a male. No means “NO” ma’am.

- Females can be bisexual and praised but bisexual men are shunned.

Raye: LOLLL, I hate this one fr. Cause niggas look at gals like they some type super hybrid goddess when they say they go both ways but if a nigga says that, everyone cringing and saying 'no bey, he can't be bi, he like man'. Ok, lmao. It's all fun and games until that same bisexual gal you so cool with steal ya gal after that threesome you planned. That's how life goes.

Colin: Ok, yea. Men can be bisexual, but ma boy, you can call it whatever you want. If ya practice gay shit, ya like man. Dassit. If you like poking bootyholes then that is on you. No judgment here. If you like poking bootyholes and pum pum holes, all power to ya. Just let us be clear, you may not like exclusively man, but you is be liking “some” man. You can’t be bisexual without like likin man so….. there’s that.

- Men should not hit women, regardless of if they are provoked.

Raye: Buddy.. I know not only me was taught the concept of hitting someone back when they hit you. I saw a video the other day where this dude told the girl over and over don't hit him. She still hit him and nobody stopped her. It wasn't until he bounce her head off the pavement that people intervened. Long story short, if you don't want someone's son punching ya head clean off.. Don't hit him. Just. DON'T HIT HIM. Me? I understand the consequences of laying hands on people and as much as I joke about fighting and stuff, I don't bother unless someone bothers me. If I swing, I'm fully aware that a fight will most likely ensue. If ya can't take a punch, sit small until ya name get called.

Colin: Don’t put hands on nobody’s child and be upset with the result. You cannot be upset with someone’s reaction if you incited it. If I slap somebody and they shoot me, that’s my wibe! What I doing slapping people? I can’t control someone’s reaction to what I did. Yea, the response may be excessive or maybe even illegal, but it could have been avoided if I didn’t do anything in the first place. Back to the men/women thing. If a woman in my face, shouting, cursing and sending verbal threats (which is a crime btw), and I push her forcefully off of me, then she punches me square in my jaw and before she delivers another I give her one Big Texas, who is in the wrong? If anyone say me then you are the problem with the world. Your constant propagation of double standards are ruining this country and we are getting rid of y’all in 2018.

- Women always have to be on guard and refrain from tempting/enticing men to rape.

Raye: F*CK ALL THAT NOISE BRO! Just stop raping people what the f*ck! You can be fully clothed and if a man wants to rape you, he'd rape you. Again, like I say constantly.. Consent is consent and no is no. Shame on all the old people that constantly get at females for dressing how they want. Let me wear my shorts and crop tops bro. It sucks that we live in a world where people make excuses for their failure to teach their sons respect and self control. You are not entitled to my body. I do not owe you anything. It ain't fun having to carry weapons around and basically live a paranoid life. I was never this paranoid until it happened to me so this is me saying it can happen to anyone. I'll end this thought with this quote, idk where it's from but it's relevant.. "While we teach our daughters to be cautious, let's also teach our sons not to objectify, dehumanize or sexualize women."

Colin: Women don’t have to do shit with herself to avoid rape. Rapists just need to stop f*cking raping. Like I said before, NO means “NO”. How is a short skirt “asking for it”? You know what you should do? Actually ask her for it and if she say no, then DON’T RAPE HER! Don’t touch her. Don’t Bill Cosby her to make her “pliable”. How is this hard to do?
Stealing is a crime and it is wrong. If I decide to leave my car open with $10,000 on the seat, did I ask the world to steal my money/car? Hell no. It’s not yours. Leave people teengs. Thieves need to stop thieving. Rapists need to stop raping.
If I see a defenseless baby chilling in the crib and I say, “boy this baby open, I should punch this baby head clean off for not knowing how to fight”. You see how much of y’all jaw dropped? You know it’s wrong, right? OK then.
Flipside: This goes for women as well. You shouldn’t grab a man’s privates or his butt if he didn’t give you consent. That’s sexual assault. If the roles were reversed, it would have been a no-brainier right? Dude was losing his job one shot. Another scenario is when females say they can just take it from their man whenever she wants. “His penis doesn’t belong to him anymore”. If a woman even whispers rape (not to mention it was from the hands of a celebrity), he was getting locked up and the court of public opinion would burn him at the stake. So, I implore females to think of this whenever their toxic femininity shows its ugly head by claiming entitlement to a man’s body.

Well guys..
There ya have it. Two sides from both genders in this topic! Don't feel there's much more to say so we done here!


Until next time,
Raye

P.S. It's November 1, which means it's almost December, which means CHRIMAAAAA IS COMINGGGG BIHHHH!

When Discipline Becomes Abuse

Discipline vs. abuse.. Where can we draw the line?

I don't know about you but my ass is black and growing up, my ass was grass.

If you missed what I'm saying, I got my ass beat when I did something wrong or stepped out of line.

'Getting beating' is what we call it over here.

Discipline, they called it.

'It'll make you better', they said.

But let's be real, it wasn't really beneficial to be beaten for every screw up I've had. 

I'm just saying if you're tryna make a point to your child about a mistake they made, punching them in their head isn't really the best way to do so, you know?

I never really realized the negative effect it had on me and most people don't.

Most of us say 'I used to get my ass beat all the time but you don't see anything wrong with me right?' 

Lol.. Yeah okay.

When I listened to Kendrick Lamar's DAMN. album, I found myself shook.

Real life shook when I heard FEAR.

If you look up the lyrics or listen in depth (I did both), you'd see the break down of three different instances of fear in his life.
The first verse is about a young child with a strict mother:

"I beat yo ass, keep talkin' back

I beat yo ass, who bought you that?

You stole it, I beat yo ass if you say that game is broken

I beat yo ass if you jump on my couch

I beat yo ass if you walk in this house

With tears in your eyes, runnin’ from Poo Poo and Prentice

Go back outside, I beat yo ass, lil nigga

That homework better be finished, I beat yo ass

Your teachers better not be bitchin' 'bout you in class

That pizza better not be wasted, you eat it all

That TV better not be loud if you got it on

Them Jordans better not get dirty when I just bought 'em

Better not hear ’bout you humpin' on Keisha's daughter

Better not hear you got caught up

I beat yo ass, you better not run to your father

I beat yo ass, you know my patience runnin' thin

I got buku payments to make

County building's on my ass, tryna take my food stamps away

I beat yo ass if you tell them social workers he live here

I beat yo ass if I beat yo ass twice and you still here

Seven years old, think you run this house by yourself?

Nigga, you gon' fear me if you don't fear no one else"

I hope y'all get the point so far but if not, lemme elaborate.

The whole 'fear me and nobody else' thing is a dud. 
I feel like getting hit was just a way for me to listen when really the whole purpose of discipline is to educate your children and teach them right from wrong. Not take away their power or make them feel small.

I don't wanna make this a race thing but yeah, I know many times we've seen white kids screaming at or being completely disgusting to their parents and your black ass was there like "man my mummy would beat me to grits" and she probably was there looking at you like "yeah, I wish ya black ass would." Time you ain't even do nothing and she ready to tear ya head off.
They grow up differently from us obviously due to their privilege; they live as though the world is theirs for the taking. 

We grew up always being told to act right because we were born with targets on our backs.. 
And then we end up getting punished in a pretty violent way when we slip up or step out of line.. Getting whipped with belts. Yeah, y'all getting hit with memories of your grammy telling you pick a switch, a strong one. 

But what did slave masters do to their slaves to keep them in line? Oh? That's tea.

But for real though, black families have this thing about instilling 'fear' in their kids with these harsh punishments to keep them from going wayward.. Not knowing that that same tactic is what may cause them to stray. And this is something that has been passed down from generation to generation.. The solution to every problem is a good old fashioned cut ass. A lot of the times I was 'disciplined', I really didn't learn anything. All I got was a sore body part and a lot of thoughts about running away lmaoooo. 

I've seen children humiliated in front of the school, in front of their friends and peers, in public places like the mall or movies.. Slapped, punched, kicked, stomped, whipped.. All in the name of teaching them a lesson. My parents always told me it was all done in love and for the greater good but.. My head must be real hard cause I don't see how. You embarrassing me tryna prove a point really puts a strain on our relationship; you can't expect me to trust you the same or at all after the fact. The only thing being taught is how to fear and resent you long after childhood.

And let me briefly touch on verbal abuse.. I heard a saying before that goes 'Your parents are the first people to break your heart.' Don't talk down to your children please. For any reason. It's never okay. You can say get over it or toughen up as much as you want but it's not that simple. Then.. You wonder why they're so secretive or they don't talk to you about anything.

Mutual power & respect: a concept. 

Hear me out cause I know y'all probably wondering where on God's green earth am I trying to go with this.

Yes, I believe 100% that you should respect your parents/elders but I also believe that they should give you something to respect. Too many times you would find adults out here doing the things they tell their kids not to do with the excuse being 'don't do as I do, do as I say'. For me, that was always pretty confusing because if it's so wrong for me to do, why are you doing it?

 -coughs- 

Hypocrites. 

-dry hacking cough-

 I said it.
Be the example you want your children to follow.
Furthermore, give your children the leeway to express themselves. Stop making it seem as though it's disrespectful to stand up for themselves when you'd encourage them to do so when it comes to someone other than you. As long as you're both communicating effectively and respectfully (adding this because I don't want y'all to think I'm here for screaming matches because I'm not), I don't see any room for issues to arise. Let them have a voice but also teach them it's okay to respectfully disagree when your opinions differ. I'm also a big fan of learning from other people's mistakes so I encourage you to tell them about similar situations in their life that you may have faced at their age. A word to the wise is sufficient.

Anyways, listen.

I'm not trying to tell anyone how to discipline their children or to not discipline them at all but we have got to outgrow this mentality that these types of punishments are the only way. The intent may be good but this is not the way to go.
Because honestly, I've seen situations where anger takes over and the beating goes way too far.
Why not avoid that altogether?
And don't tell me I'm overreacting when that one time your old lady bark your ass with that 2x4 still ringing in your head. Now you cringing. That's PTSD. Good day.
Train your children to make healthy choices from a young age. When they make mistakes, help them understand that it's a part of growing up. Build a relationship that's big on mutual respect.

Side note: I said ass a lot in this, forgive me.

Idk, this is just how I feel about it. Shoot me.

Um, yeah. Be safe out here guys, the world is crazy. I love ya!


Hearts & hugs,
Raye.

Souls, Souls & More Souls - Soul Ties.

HI, HELLO, I'M BACK ALREADY!

I didn't feel like I should leave you guys hanging for so long while knowing I finished this early!

If you haven't really noticed, my posts are biweekly (every two weeks) so this is a big deal.

I feel like Drake rn. LMAO. Okay yeah, the post.

I talk about energy and vibes a lot. I really really grew up believing only in what I was able to see. But as I got older, I learned more about the world that goes beyond our physical sight. The spiritual. Let's get past all the witchcraft & wizardry that people normally associate with the spiritual realm. Let's really think about it.

A soul tie is a linkage between two people in the soul realm through sexual relations and/or deep emotional involvement. A soul tie can be beneficial but it can also be detrimental. Many people don't realize how often we exchange energy. Literally every day with just about everyone. These energetic bonds deepen with time.

So yes, you can have a wonderful soul tie with someone you love, perhaps in a marriage or a relationship, even in a strictly platonic friendship. Strictly beneficial to you both because you help each other to grow & prosper for a lifetime. You want this kind of soul tie. It's important to have a divine connection with someone. Shout out to all my babies that add value to my life.

But. What about those soul ties that'll ruin your life? The kind that steals your peace & makes you emotionally unavailable. Yeah, don't nobody wanna be that way but.. Life. Lol. I can regrettably relate. At least.. Let me not say regrettably because I learned a lot from this. Still learning actually.

Story time lil babies.

Have you ever been insanely & inexplicably attached to someone? Like, your life would probably be or has been at a standstill if or when they left? Like you want nothing to do with them yet you still find yourself obsessing over them? You might even want to get back with them even though the relationship serves you no purpose; it's become completely disadvantageous to you.

Yeah that was me.
This dude was literally my world. My best friend. My lover. Everything.
We had an indisputable connection. Nothing was able to contest it.
Or so I thought.
Everything fell apart though.
I can tell you guys the story a million times over but the gist is:
We were both wrong. The blame is carried equally on both sides.

We separated physically but emotionally? Ha. What a joke.

 I was attached. I went through withdrawals as if I were on drugs..

And I was. In my head though.

I cried and cried and cried.
For months.
At first, it was because although being with him & being around him became too hard to handle emotionally, I just didn't want to move on. I didn't know how to move on.
It felt like nobody understood where I was coming from at all. All my friends constantly told me to leave him alone but I couldn't.
I tried but it just wasn't that simple.

Lol, listen to me now.
Cause this gon' seem like I'm on some bullshit.

You know how people like to have casual sex?

Yeah, don't.

Sex is.. I preach this so often cause it took me a while to understand and I really want people to get it as well.

Sex is MORE than just skin to skin. It's WAY MORE spiritual than it is physical. Idk if it's a female thing because males really do be on some bullshit but it can't just be me!

This is where the soul tie came in for me in this situation. Although that wasn't the only thing we bonded over, it was a huge factor in why I felt so bound to him.
Literally, I found myself acting like him. Speaking like him.  Thinking like him. It's been 2 years and I still find myself behaving like him in certain situations and that truly makes me cringe.
You ever stopped while doing or saying something and think 'wow, this is something -insert partner's name- would say/do"?
That's because you've connected your soul to theirs. It can literally take forever to get over someone you've been involved with sexually because a piece of them is with you and vice versa.
Hence, I'm very careful about who I have sex with. I'm actually celibate as it stands.
Because who REALLY has the time to be battling demons and spirits all in the name of an orgasm?

 

My life is tedious enough as is. Go away. Keep your demon sex away from me.

But on some real spit, listen to your friends when they say it's hard to let that one toxic person go. ESPECIALLY when they don't wanna let you go.
Truth is, most people don't ever really break these bonds.
They tend to bury the emotions & memories under new relationships and sexual encounters.
And THAT, my beloved babies, is NOT healthy.
I firmly believe that it has to be an intentional and deliberate release. Nothing like that happens over night.

My advice?

• Be honest with yourself - It's not really the easiest thing to talk about but you gotta realize when something is affecting you negatively.  'If you love it, let it kill you.' Hi, hello, NO. You do not need to sacrifice your peace of mind all in the name of love (sometimes it's not even love but we won't get into all of that right now). Love yourself more than you love anyone & anything else.
• Acknowledge the soul tie and ask God to release you - Confront the issue head on. Repent. Pray. Ask God to help you let this thing go. Do this as often as you need to until you can literally feel the difference. You can feel when the burden has been lifted off of your shoulders.
• Listen to me, delete/get rid of/burn every gaddamn thing you have with that person or persons - I am personally a damn hoarder so this is VERY hard on me. But really, you think you gonna let it go if you're constantly reminded of them? Pictures, clothing, notes, messages. Trash it all. Burn whatever. It may seem like nothing but it's so important. Block/unfollow them on social media. No contact whatsoever.
• Forgive yourself & forgive the person - Yeah, it's no easy feat to accept that you f'd yourself over or let someone f- you over. Forgiveness is crucial to move on. And normally, you have to forgive without receiving an apology. But don't worry too much about that. Forgiveness breaks the power they have over you. You are in complete control of your thoughts and actions at this point. The peace of mind you'll gain is one that you wouldn't believe.
• Stay free; avoid a relapse - Do not. For God's sake. DO NOT reconnect with this person. There's really no telling what kind of effect that can have on you. You worked hard to get over them, please do not put yourself in a vulnerable position. You already know they're not good for you so please remember your value & worth. Love from a distance. 

Alright, I believe I've made my point. Thank you again for reading! I appreciate you more than you know. Thank you for believing in the dream. Until next time!

Hearts & hugs,
Raye.

The Re-Up/Better Days

Hey guys,
Hope you're all doing well, September is almost done!
Finally!
It's never a good month for me and this year, nothing changed lol.
Good news is, it's Libra season!
Which means my birthday is approaching. October 20th.
Accepting gifts, money, lunch dates & souls all month.

But, on to business.

I don’t really have any topic I’d like to develop this week because truthfully I’m still mentally exhausted from my last post.

I took a mini hiatus from the social media I normally use all the time (Snapchat & Twitter) for a week.

If you noticed, cool. If you didn’t, that’s fine too. I guess I’ll tell you guys a bit about that. 

But first!

I wanna thank everyone that read my last blog.. It’s up to 1600 views and that is amazing. 

Thank you for reading my blog on the whole! 

Thank you for sharing, thank you for everything.
Awkward hugs for you all!

When I started this blog, I really thought it’d be more like a diary to be honest.. Thought I would just be ranting all the time. 

But as I said in my first post.. This writing thing is much bigger than me.

It’s a platform & as long as people are listening, I’ll use it for the greater good.

I have so many things planned and I can’t wait to share.

Okay, mini hiatus.

Just gonna be completely real & tell you all that I had probably one of the biggest meltdowns of my life (there have been numerous big ones so I can’t say it’s the biggest lol) probably like... Two days after I posted my blog. 

It wasn’t that exact factor that pushed me to the edge but it definitely contributed to the level of stress I’m facing right now. 

‘If it caused you so much grief, why not delete it?’

Because .. Truth be told, nobody else would do it. Being a voice in a time or during a topic where nobody wants to speak has always been me.
There is nothing I haven’t been through that I haven’t gotten through.
I may be down for a bit but I will bounce back, check the title of my blog fam. 

I needed that disconnect because I needed to put some things in my life back into perspective..

I did just that & I’m more focused than ever.

Back & I’m better.

Thank you to everyone who actually  did notice that I was missing & came to check on me. I love you! 

No shade to anyone who didn’t, it’s not a big deal. 

But yeah, *shakes self because I’m straying* .

I made a post on my Snapchat about the reactions I got from my blog & I said something that’ll stay with me forever.

People came & told me things like:

‘It’s really crazy to know that happened to you.’ 

‘How are you even okay right now?’

‘I would never have known because you don’t act like it.’

Well...

Let’s just say that I’ve grown despite all the adversity I’ve faced. I’ve come a very long way & I am very proud of myself. I’ve learned to pick up the pieces & put myself back together. 

It’s been hard because some days I really just wanted to stay on the floor and let dust collect all over me until I die. For lack of a better explanation.

Explaining my depression is a task.

It comes in waves. 

Some days, a little wave that I’m able to stand through & let it roll off of me.

Other days.. It’s a salami. I mean, lmao. A tsunami.

^ A way I’m known to cope: I downplay my pain with a joke or twenty.

:).

But yes, I’m distracted again smt.

What I said in my story that evening to answer all those synonymous questions: 

‘That’s just who I am. Because when you’ve been through enough darkness, you know how important it is to spread light.’

Spreading light is so important to me because I know what it’s like to be spiraling & screaming internally and nobody notices.

Sometimes, you need that little push. That little hug. That little ‘I love you’. That reassurance (this is a big one for me). You need to hear that it’ll be okay. That you’ll get through. That for every dark night, there is a better & brighter day. I know what it’s like to need that. It’s only right to uplift people every chance I get. It’s only right to spread pure positive vibes. Even when I’m not 100% myself. 

Someone asked me, ‘How do you stay positive?’

I believe prayer changes things. Prayer. I pray. Every day.
As often as I can. 

It’s 5:37 AM as I’m writing this and as soon as I’m done, I’m going to pray. I know I’m not perfect but I know God loves me anyway. He’s working on me. 

And on days when things are perfectly fine & dandy, I pray.

When my anxiety attacks & my peace tries to escape me, I pray.

When I feel lost, I pray.

When everything goes the way I want it to, I pray. 

That’s really it. 

Why?

Because God is greater than the highs & lows. He’s intentional & never failing.

The actual love of my life. 

Everything doesn’t happen when I want it to or how I want it to all the time. . But that’s fine. 

Sabali, patience.

As it stands right now.. Everything isn’t perfect. But I won’t complain because I know how bad it could be. 

But I just wanna reinforce the fact that it gets better. Better days are coming. I cannot stress that enough. 

So, in the words of my good friend A. Major as you all may know him..

Actually..

You know what?

No I ain’t bout to quote it.

Just listen to the song. This song really really makes me happy for every time. Happier because he's actually a really good & supportive friend of mine. I'd bet my life it'll make you smile and brighten your mood.

It's called Both Worlds/Better. Here’s a link. 

Actually.. Go listen to & buy my friend’s album.

It's called The Weekend & it's really amazing.

Bey, how did this turn into a promo?
Anyways, I'm wrapping up !
I know that every person reading may not be Bahamian but majority of you are & if you haven't listened/purchased yet, thank me later.

Here are the official links to the album.
iTunes.
Spotify.
Tidal.
SoundCloud.

But y’all be safe & stay prayed up. The world is crazy. 

Hearts & hugs,

Raye.

The Blog About Rape

I expect a mixed reaction to this post.

But here's a disclaimer.

THIS IS NOT FOR SYMPATHY, I DON'T WANT OR NEED A PAT ON MY BACK. THIS IS TO PUSH A SERIOUS ISSUE TO THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND. WE AREN'T ABOUT TO ACT LIKE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN BECAUSE IT DOES. THIS IS MY STORY AND MY ONLY WISH IS THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO SEE THE SIDE OF THE VICTIMS IN THIS SITUATION AND THAT YOU ARE LESS IGNORANT TO THE REALITY OF RAPE CULTURE BECAUSE MANY OF YOU ARE.

Also, my story may be triggering to some. I am very sorry if this does that to you but I'm praying and hoping you find comfort in knowing that you're not alone.

Alright, here we go.

Yes, this post is about rape and the culture that has been created surrounding it.

If this topic makes you uncomfortable, I'm not forcing you to read this.

In fact, please close my blog out. You're a huge part of the problem.

Before I really get into this, please note that I am fully aware that women are not the only victims of rape - men rape men, women rape men - but the common denominator is the same.. Men. The sad fact is 99% of men are the culprits behind reported rapes.

Most rapes are never reported to the police even though society constantly preaches that women should always report a rape. Yet, when you report the rape, you just might find yourself being called a liar, a whore and sometimes TOLD that you wanted it. When you don't report it, you are STILL called a liar, a whore then told that you're making the story up. I surely didn't report my rape when it happened. I've watched too many episodes of Law & Order: SVU but also I've experienced too many real life stories where reporting a rape did nothing but re-victimize the victim over and repeatedly. On top of that, the assailants were not punished.  It's just a lose-lose situation all around.

I was drugged and raped by a young man whose advances I resisted. It felt like my fault entirely because I did set my drink down and the worst occurred because of it. I feel like that's besides the point.. Why was it so important for this character to ensure that I ended up in his bed that night? I mean, my no most definitely meant no. Yet.. I still woke up to find someone's son on top of me, inside of me.. Stroking. I tried to push him off and tell him to stop but I was in so much shock.. It felt like my motor skills were just nonexistent. You know.. I didn't even know when he finished because I passed out again? Personally, I feel as though if you're able to have sex with an unconscious person, you'd have sex with a dead one. I woke up without my pants, without my underwear.. And the young man laid next to me asleep. Truth be told, I wanted to kill him right then and there but I felt so sick; whatever was put in my drink left me dizzy, with a headache, no appetite & I was unable to use the bathroom for several days.. Messed up huh?

You wanna know what else is really messed up? Someone I called my friend was there. Along with some of his friends. The next morning, I asked her to fill in the empty spaces for me. The young man locked us both in his room and he did whatever the hell he wanted to do to me.. She knocked and no one answered. He told them that he performed oral sex on me.. Leaving out the entire truth that I was unconscious during basically everything.. I called my best friend, sobbing hysterically.. She reached out to him and he reached out to me. I would absolutely love to play the audio I recorded for you guys but then you'd know who it is. I listened to him speak .. Saying things like 'I'm sorry', 'I didn't know that you didn't know that's what I was doing, I was trying to get to know you' .. The young man even went so far as to tell me how 'good and warm' I felt. Yeah. That way. You decided the best way to get to know me would be taking my vagina while I was unconscious. Lol. Super. Clearly a winner. And to add insult to injury, you telling me how great my guts are as though I was a willing participant. Wowzers.

I never thought I would be on here telling people about this. Because I was so ashamed when it happened. If you know me, you know I pride myself on being able to defend myself.. Yet the young man stripped me of that same pride in just one night. I cried for weeks and weeks, even attempted to take my life. It sounds so cliché but this is really the reality that many victims face. Some days, I'm okay and some days I'm not. Many times, seeing the rape topic online is very triggering. But it's happening to people. The true inspiration behind this is I have a close friend that basically the same thing happened to. Differences being.. She knew her assailant and she was still a virgin when it occurred. She's much younger than me and she's much like a little sister to me so that cut me very deeply.

Why do we as women have to do so much to compensate for the weak minds of some men? Why must we be subjected to such actions all because some asshole can't take no or keep his penis to himself? It's not fair. And I've grown up being told not to ‘tease’ men, not to look enticing, not to have too short of a skirt, not to show too much cleavage etc. But why? It's because majority of these men today were not taught about the value of self accountability. 

“When you have a well-developed sense of self-accountability, you are honest with yourself, and are answerable and responsible for what you say and do. You have the ability to look beyond the immediate moment to consider the consequences and know if you are willing to pay them.” 

-Dr. Ben Benjamin, massagetoday.com.

See that? That can be anybody. It's definitely me, it can be you. Please stop telling women that they have to take extra precautions just to be safe in the streets without telling men that they must have self control and self accountability. Please stop encouraging men to be sexually aggressive. Please stop making them believe it's okay to make rape jokes and force themselves on hesitant women. Stop creating a grey area when there is none; consent is consent and no is no. Y'all hearing me? Understand that no means no, not yes. If a woman is too drunk/drugged to respond, it's still no. Hell, if you get her naked and about to slide in and she said no, it's no my guy. In a relationship and she says no? Well, sorry fam, it's a no. See? No grey area. Consent = yes. No consent = no.

Ya. Dat way.

I just want you guys to hear me. I feel like this generation has become too desensitized to this topic. It can happen to your mother, your sister, your grandmother, your daughter, your niece, your cousin, your girlfriend or your wife. Think about it. There are literally so many ways to prevent rape as a man, you guys basically have all the power in a situation like that. I'll name a few.

If you see a guy clearly harassing a woman, correct him.. Stand up for her. Be mindful of people's personal space always. Don't shout out degrading or objectifying remarks at women or make jokes about sexual assault/rape. Always communicate with sexual partners and never assume consent. And most importantly, if a friend/relative tells you that they've been raped.. Take them seriously and be supportive.

And if there is anyone, anyone at all.. If you need someone to talk to, I am here.


Until next time,
Raye.

To My Unborn Child.

I'm sure I'm not the only person that has ever been at odds with their parents.
Sometimes I swore they couldn't be my parents, I couldn't stand to be around my mom or my dad.
Sometimes I felt like they were never here for me, they never supported & only criticized. But all I ever wanted was a chance to learn and grow. It's still what I want.

But as I got older, my nonchalance grew. I didn't care much for what anyone said to or about me. I still don't.

I just wanted the two most important people in my life to be here for me like I wanted. Nowadays, it's kind of better. I'm still not as close to my mom as I was when I was a little girl (mainly because my parents weren't together and I barely saw my dad cause he worked alot and I lived with my mom) and I love my dad a lot more because he's realistic. Daddy lets me live my life how I wish with little to no pressure, but he's still willing to be my shoulder to cry on or reprimand me when I'm wrong.

My mom still tries to protect me from everything but the shit I've endured that she knows about (because lol, I hate seeing her cry so she doesn't know about everything that ever went wrong or bad for me) shows that she couldn't.. It's just life. And the world. And in a way, I understand because like her, I'm very protective over the people I love. I love her very much for the things that she's done for me, for praying for me, for encouraging me. And even when we fight, I never forget any of the good things.

But when I become a mommy, I want things to be different. I want my little person to love me so much and to trust me with everything in them. And I feel like everyone that's been through shit with their parents always say something like this.. 'I'm not gonna be anything like my mom/dad.' 'My baby will have it much better than I did.' But who knows what the future will really hold for me and my seed? I can only hope for the best.

That being said, I decided to see if I would be able to pen an open letter to my future heart holder. Here is what I came up with.

To My Unborn Child:
To my little prince or princess, I love you. Just to get it out of the way. There will never be a day that I won't be saying 'I love you.' Because I'll probably say it as soon as I realize you're growing inside of me. And I will say it every day until there is no breath left in my body. Why?
Because I want you to know that no matter what is going on, whether I'm here or I'm gone, whether you're upset with me or I with you.. That you are loved with every single fiber of my being.

I pray for your strength. Because this world is crazy. And I'll teach you that sometimes this life will come for you and knock you down but it's so important to get back up. I almost want to keep you inside my womb where I'm positive that you're always gonna be safe. But that's also crazy. I hope that you have my resilient spirit and my heart filled with empathy & love. I will teach you the benefits and dangers of having those traits. I hope that you never let anyone or anything break you down. But, if there is ever a day that you feel like the world is on your shoulders or that everything is coming crashing down.. Please don't hesitate to come to me. It's my job to pick you up, hold you down & lift you up. You've heard my heart beat from the inside so you know that it only beats for you.

I'll teach you about struggle & poverty but you will never have to go through it. I know you'll appreciate the little things in life like I do. And I'll try really hard not to spoil you rotten.
I'll teach you the importance of working hard AND smart but also the importance of fighting for what you believe in, to always stand against injustice.

I'm not gonna lie, I hope you're outspoken like I am because I'm looking forward to the days that I'm no longer teaching you but you are indeed teaching me. I hope that you won't be easily offended as I tend to be.. And that you're able to see the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. I know you're probably going to be a curious one, like me. And that's perfectly fine. You ask all the questions you want and everything I have an answer for, I will give that same answer to you. I pray that whatever talents our God has blessed you with that you use them them as soon as you come to the realization of their presence.

I pray that you'll be blessed with discernment, to separate the real from the fake. But also, I hope that you never lose sight of your emotions yet still have a better handle on them than your mother.
I pray for your patience.. Your self control. Things I personally struggle with. It is my greatest wish that even in our similarities, you are better than me. I'm not sure who your father might be but I will definitely make sure he's the piece to complete me. So that whatever traits I may lack, you may gain from him. I will make sure that he & I love nothing more than each other, with the exception of you. We will worship the ground you walk on, without a doubt.

My sweet little angel.. I don't mean to rush you but I wish you were here now. I feel like these dreams I chase and these goals I make are solely to cater to you. Nonetheless, take all the time you need because I need to be ready too. In my mind & body because I feel like my heart & soul will always be ready for you. I already love everything about you. And I hope you'll feel the same way about me too. I want you to be proud of me because I will always be proud of you. I am already more than grateful to God for the gift of you and you're still wrapped in His loving arms. 

So, please, my little blessing from above.. Understand that I will always try with you, because I dedicate my life to you.. If you ever feel like I don't understand you or I'm not listening or I'm too critical, please know that it's out of fear that you might portray the worst parts of me.. I cringe at the thought of my sins falling on to you because I want you to be way way better than me. 

So, these words I dedicate to you, my greatest accomplishment & the love of my life, do not take them for granted.


I don't know why this became such a pressing topic for me but I do hope that you enjoy.

Until next time,
Raye.