When Discipline Becomes Abuse

Discipline vs. abuse.. Where can we draw the line?

I don't know about you but my ass is black and growing up, my ass was grass.

If you missed what I'm saying, I got my ass beat when I did something wrong or stepped out of line.

'Getting beating' is what we call it over here.

Discipline, they called it.

'It'll make you better', they said.

But let's be real, it wasn't really beneficial to be beaten for every screw up I've had. 

I'm just saying if you're tryna make a point to your child about a mistake they made, punching them in their head isn't really the best way to do so, you know?

I never really realized the negative effect it had on me and most people don't.

Most of us say 'I used to get my ass beat all the time but you don't see anything wrong with me right?' 

Lol.. Yeah okay.

When I listened to Kendrick Lamar's DAMN. album, I found myself shook.

Real life shook when I heard FEAR.

If you look up the lyrics or listen in depth (I did both), you'd see the break down of three different instances of fear in his life.
The first verse is about a young child with a strict mother:

"I beat yo ass, keep talkin' back

I beat yo ass, who bought you that?

You stole it, I beat yo ass if you say that game is broken

I beat yo ass if you jump on my couch

I beat yo ass if you walk in this house

With tears in your eyes, runnin’ from Poo Poo and Prentice

Go back outside, I beat yo ass, lil nigga

That homework better be finished, I beat yo ass

Your teachers better not be bitchin' 'bout you in class

That pizza better not be wasted, you eat it all

That TV better not be loud if you got it on

Them Jordans better not get dirty when I just bought 'em

Better not hear ’bout you humpin' on Keisha's daughter

Better not hear you got caught up

I beat yo ass, you better not run to your father

I beat yo ass, you know my patience runnin' thin

I got buku payments to make

County building's on my ass, tryna take my food stamps away

I beat yo ass if you tell them social workers he live here

I beat yo ass if I beat yo ass twice and you still here

Seven years old, think you run this house by yourself?

Nigga, you gon' fear me if you don't fear no one else"

I hope y'all get the point so far but if not, lemme elaborate.

The whole 'fear me and nobody else' thing is a dud. 
I feel like getting hit was just a way for me to listen when really the whole purpose of discipline is to educate your children and teach them right from wrong. Not take away their power or make them feel small.

I don't wanna make this a race thing but yeah, I know many times we've seen white kids screaming at or being completely disgusting to their parents and your black ass was there like "man my mummy would beat me to grits" and she probably was there looking at you like "yeah, I wish ya black ass would." Time you ain't even do nothing and she ready to tear ya head off.
They grow up differently from us obviously due to their privilege; they live as though the world is theirs for the taking. 

We grew up always being told to act right because we were born with targets on our backs.. 
And then we end up getting punished in a pretty violent way when we slip up or step out of line.. Getting whipped with belts. Yeah, y'all getting hit with memories of your grammy telling you pick a switch, a strong one. 

But what did slave masters do to their slaves to keep them in line? Oh? That's tea.

But for real though, black families have this thing about instilling 'fear' in their kids with these harsh punishments to keep them from going wayward.. Not knowing that that same tactic is what may cause them to stray. And this is something that has been passed down from generation to generation.. The solution to every problem is a good old fashioned cut ass. A lot of the times I was 'disciplined', I really didn't learn anything. All I got was a sore body part and a lot of thoughts about running away lmaoooo. 

I've seen children humiliated in front of the school, in front of their friends and peers, in public places like the mall or movies.. Slapped, punched, kicked, stomped, whipped.. All in the name of teaching them a lesson. My parents always told me it was all done in love and for the greater good but.. My head must be real hard cause I don't see how. You embarrassing me tryna prove a point really puts a strain on our relationship; you can't expect me to trust you the same or at all after the fact. The only thing being taught is how to fear and resent you long after childhood.

And let me briefly touch on verbal abuse.. I heard a saying before that goes 'Your parents are the first people to break your heart.' Don't talk down to your children please. For any reason. It's never okay. You can say get over it or toughen up as much as you want but it's not that simple. Then.. You wonder why they're so secretive or they don't talk to you about anything.

Mutual power & respect: a concept. 

Hear me out cause I know y'all probably wondering where on God's green earth am I trying to go with this.

Yes, I believe 100% that you should respect your parents/elders but I also believe that they should give you something to respect. Too many times you would find adults out here doing the things they tell their kids not to do with the excuse being 'don't do as I do, do as I say'. For me, that was always pretty confusing because if it's so wrong for me to do, why are you doing it?

 -coughs- 

Hypocrites. 

-dry hacking cough-

 I said it.
Be the example you want your children to follow.
Furthermore, give your children the leeway to express themselves. Stop making it seem as though it's disrespectful to stand up for themselves when you'd encourage them to do so when it comes to someone other than you. As long as you're both communicating effectively and respectfully (adding this because I don't want y'all to think I'm here for screaming matches because I'm not), I don't see any room for issues to arise. Let them have a voice but also teach them it's okay to respectfully disagree when your opinions differ. I'm also a big fan of learning from other people's mistakes so I encourage you to tell them about similar situations in their life that you may have faced at their age. A word to the wise is sufficient.

Anyways, listen.

I'm not trying to tell anyone how to discipline their children or to not discipline them at all but we have got to outgrow this mentality that these types of punishments are the only way. The intent may be good but this is not the way to go.
Because honestly, I've seen situations where anger takes over and the beating goes way too far.
Why not avoid that altogether?
And don't tell me I'm overreacting when that one time your old lady bark your ass with that 2x4 still ringing in your head. Now you cringing. That's PTSD. Good day.
Train your children to make healthy choices from a young age. When they make mistakes, help them understand that it's a part of growing up. Build a relationship that's big on mutual respect.

Side note: I said ass a lot in this, forgive me.

Idk, this is just how I feel about it. Shoot me.

Um, yeah. Be safe out here guys, the world is crazy. I love ya!


Hearts & hugs,
Raye.

Souls, Souls & More Souls - Soul Ties.

HI, HELLO, I'M BACK ALREADY!

I didn't feel like I should leave you guys hanging for so long while knowing I finished this early!

If you haven't really noticed, my posts are biweekly (every two weeks) so this is a big deal.

I feel like Drake rn. LMAO. Okay yeah, the post.

I talk about energy and vibes a lot. I really really grew up believing only in what I was able to see. But as I got older, I learned more about the world that goes beyond our physical sight. The spiritual. Let's get past all the witchcraft & wizardry that people normally associate with the spiritual realm. Let's really think about it.

A soul tie is a linkage between two people in the soul realm through sexual relations and/or deep emotional involvement. A soul tie can be beneficial but it can also be detrimental. Many people don't realize how often we exchange energy. Literally every day with just about everyone. These energetic bonds deepen with time.

So yes, you can have a wonderful soul tie with someone you love, perhaps in a marriage or a relationship, even in a strictly platonic friendship. Strictly beneficial to you both because you help each other to grow & prosper for a lifetime. You want this kind of soul tie. It's important to have a divine connection with someone. Shout out to all my babies that add value to my life.

But. What about those soul ties that'll ruin your life? The kind that steals your peace & makes you emotionally unavailable. Yeah, don't nobody wanna be that way but.. Life. Lol. I can regrettably relate. At least.. Let me not say regrettably because I learned a lot from this. Still learning actually.

Story time lil babies.

Have you ever been insanely & inexplicably attached to someone? Like, your life would probably be or has been at a standstill if or when they left? Like you want nothing to do with them yet you still find yourself obsessing over them? You might even want to get back with them even though the relationship serves you no purpose; it's become completely disadvantageous to you.

Yeah that was me.
This dude was literally my world. My best friend. My lover. Everything.
We had an indisputable connection. Nothing was able to contest it.
Or so I thought.
Everything fell apart though.
I can tell you guys the story a million times over but the gist is:
We were both wrong. The blame is carried equally on both sides.

We separated physically but emotionally? Ha. What a joke.

 I was attached. I went through withdrawals as if I were on drugs..

And I was. In my head though.

I cried and cried and cried.
For months.
At first, it was because although being with him & being around him became too hard to handle emotionally, I just didn't want to move on. I didn't know how to move on.
It felt like nobody understood where I was coming from at all. All my friends constantly told me to leave him alone but I couldn't.
I tried but it just wasn't that simple.

Lol, listen to me now.
Cause this gon' seem like I'm on some bullshit.

You know how people like to have casual sex?

Yeah, don't.

Sex is.. I preach this so often cause it took me a while to understand and I really want people to get it as well.

Sex is MORE than just skin to skin. It's WAY MORE spiritual than it is physical. Idk if it's a female thing because males really do be on some bullshit but it can't just be me!

This is where the soul tie came in for me in this situation. Although that wasn't the only thing we bonded over, it was a huge factor in why I felt so bound to him.
Literally, I found myself acting like him. Speaking like him.  Thinking like him. It's been 2 years and I still find myself behaving like him in certain situations and that truly makes me cringe.
You ever stopped while doing or saying something and think 'wow, this is something -insert partner's name- would say/do"?
That's because you've connected your soul to theirs. It can literally take forever to get over someone you've been involved with sexually because a piece of them is with you and vice versa.
Hence, I'm very careful about who I have sex with. I'm actually celibate as it stands.
Because who REALLY has the time to be battling demons and spirits all in the name of an orgasm?

 

My life is tedious enough as is. Go away. Keep your demon sex away from me.

But on some real spit, listen to your friends when they say it's hard to let that one toxic person go. ESPECIALLY when they don't wanna let you go.
Truth is, most people don't ever really break these bonds.
They tend to bury the emotions & memories under new relationships and sexual encounters.
And THAT, my beloved babies, is NOT healthy.
I firmly believe that it has to be an intentional and deliberate release. Nothing like that happens over night.

My advice?

• Be honest with yourself - It's not really the easiest thing to talk about but you gotta realize when something is affecting you negatively.  'If you love it, let it kill you.' Hi, hello, NO. You do not need to sacrifice your peace of mind all in the name of love (sometimes it's not even love but we won't get into all of that right now). Love yourself more than you love anyone & anything else.
• Acknowledge the soul tie and ask God to release you - Confront the issue head on. Repent. Pray. Ask God to help you let this thing go. Do this as often as you need to until you can literally feel the difference. You can feel when the burden has been lifted off of your shoulders.
• Listen to me, delete/get rid of/burn every gaddamn thing you have with that person or persons - I am personally a damn hoarder so this is VERY hard on me. But really, you think you gonna let it go if you're constantly reminded of them? Pictures, clothing, notes, messages. Trash it all. Burn whatever. It may seem like nothing but it's so important. Block/unfollow them on social media. No contact whatsoever.
• Forgive yourself & forgive the person - Yeah, it's no easy feat to accept that you f'd yourself over or let someone f- you over. Forgiveness is crucial to move on. And normally, you have to forgive without receiving an apology. But don't worry too much about that. Forgiveness breaks the power they have over you. You are in complete control of your thoughts and actions at this point. The peace of mind you'll gain is one that you wouldn't believe.
• Stay free; avoid a relapse - Do not. For God's sake. DO NOT reconnect with this person. There's really no telling what kind of effect that can have on you. You worked hard to get over them, please do not put yourself in a vulnerable position. You already know they're not good for you so please remember your value & worth. Love from a distance. 

Alright, I believe I've made my point. Thank you again for reading! I appreciate you more than you know. Thank you for believing in the dream. Until next time!

Hearts & hugs,
Raye.

The Re-Up/Better Days

Hey guys,
Hope you're all doing well, September is almost done!
Finally!
It's never a good month for me and this year, nothing changed lol.
Good news is, it's Libra season!
Which means my birthday is approaching. October 20th.
Accepting gifts, money, lunch dates & souls all month.

But, on to business.

I don’t really have any topic I’d like to develop this week because truthfully I’m still mentally exhausted from my last post.

I took a mini hiatus from the social media I normally use all the time (Snapchat & Twitter) for a week.

If you noticed, cool. If you didn’t, that’s fine too. I guess I’ll tell you guys a bit about that. 

But first!

I wanna thank everyone that read my last blog.. It’s up to 1600 views and that is amazing. 

Thank you for reading my blog on the whole! 

Thank you for sharing, thank you for everything.
Awkward hugs for you all!

When I started this blog, I really thought it’d be more like a diary to be honest.. Thought I would just be ranting all the time. 

But as I said in my first post.. This writing thing is much bigger than me.

It’s a platform & as long as people are listening, I’ll use it for the greater good.

I have so many things planned and I can’t wait to share.

Okay, mini hiatus.

Just gonna be completely real & tell you all that I had probably one of the biggest meltdowns of my life (there have been numerous big ones so I can’t say it’s the biggest lol) probably like... Two days after I posted my blog. 

It wasn’t that exact factor that pushed me to the edge but it definitely contributed to the level of stress I’m facing right now. 

‘If it caused you so much grief, why not delete it?’

Because .. Truth be told, nobody else would do it. Being a voice in a time or during a topic where nobody wants to speak has always been me.
There is nothing I haven’t been through that I haven’t gotten through.
I may be down for a bit but I will bounce back, check the title of my blog fam. 

I needed that disconnect because I needed to put some things in my life back into perspective..

I did just that & I’m more focused than ever.

Back & I’m better.

Thank you to everyone who actually  did notice that I was missing & came to check on me. I love you! 

No shade to anyone who didn’t, it’s not a big deal. 

But yeah, *shakes self because I’m straying* .

I made a post on my Snapchat about the reactions I got from my blog & I said something that’ll stay with me forever.

People came & told me things like:

‘It’s really crazy to know that happened to you.’ 

‘How are you even okay right now?’

‘I would never have known because you don’t act like it.’

Well...

Let’s just say that I’ve grown despite all the adversity I’ve faced. I’ve come a very long way & I am very proud of myself. I’ve learned to pick up the pieces & put myself back together. 

It’s been hard because some days I really just wanted to stay on the floor and let dust collect all over me until I die. For lack of a better explanation.

Explaining my depression is a task.

It comes in waves. 

Some days, a little wave that I’m able to stand through & let it roll off of me.

Other days.. It’s a salami. I mean, lmao. A tsunami.

^ A way I’m known to cope: I downplay my pain with a joke or twenty.

:).

But yes, I’m distracted again smt.

What I said in my story that evening to answer all those synonymous questions: 

‘That’s just who I am. Because when you’ve been through enough darkness, you know how important it is to spread light.’

Spreading light is so important to me because I know what it’s like to be spiraling & screaming internally and nobody notices.

Sometimes, you need that little push. That little hug. That little ‘I love you’. That reassurance (this is a big one for me). You need to hear that it’ll be okay. That you’ll get through. That for every dark night, there is a better & brighter day. I know what it’s like to need that. It’s only right to uplift people every chance I get. It’s only right to spread pure positive vibes. Even when I’m not 100% myself. 

Someone asked me, ‘How do you stay positive?’

I believe prayer changes things. Prayer. I pray. Every day.
As often as I can. 

It’s 5:37 AM as I’m writing this and as soon as I’m done, I’m going to pray. I know I’m not perfect but I know God loves me anyway. He’s working on me. 

And on days when things are perfectly fine & dandy, I pray.

When my anxiety attacks & my peace tries to escape me, I pray.

When I feel lost, I pray.

When everything goes the way I want it to, I pray. 

That’s really it. 

Why?

Because God is greater than the highs & lows. He’s intentional & never failing.

The actual love of my life. 

Everything doesn’t happen when I want it to or how I want it to all the time. . But that’s fine. 

Sabali, patience.

As it stands right now.. Everything isn’t perfect. But I won’t complain because I know how bad it could be. 

But I just wanna reinforce the fact that it gets better. Better days are coming. I cannot stress that enough. 

So, in the words of my good friend A. Major as you all may know him..

Actually..

You know what?

No I ain’t bout to quote it.

Just listen to the song. This song really really makes me happy for every time. Happier because he's actually a really good & supportive friend of mine. I'd bet my life it'll make you smile and brighten your mood.

It's called Both Worlds/Better. Here’s a link. 

Actually.. Go listen to & buy my friend’s album.

It's called The Weekend & it's really amazing.

Bey, how did this turn into a promo?
Anyways, I'm wrapping up !
I know that every person reading may not be Bahamian but majority of you are & if you haven't listened/purchased yet, thank me later.

Here are the official links to the album.
iTunes.
Spotify.
Tidal.
SoundCloud.

But y’all be safe & stay prayed up. The world is crazy. 

Hearts & hugs,

Raye.

The Blog About Rape

I expect a mixed reaction to this post.

But here's a disclaimer.

THIS IS NOT FOR SYMPATHY, I DON'T WANT OR NEED A PAT ON MY BACK. THIS IS TO PUSH A SERIOUS ISSUE TO THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND. WE AREN'T ABOUT TO ACT LIKE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN BECAUSE IT DOES. THIS IS MY STORY AND MY ONLY WISH IS THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO SEE THE SIDE OF THE VICTIMS IN THIS SITUATION AND THAT YOU ARE LESS IGNORANT TO THE REALITY OF RAPE CULTURE BECAUSE MANY OF YOU ARE.

Also, my story may be triggering to some. I am very sorry if this does that to you but I'm praying and hoping you find comfort in knowing that you're not alone.

Alright, here we go.

Yes, this post is about rape and the culture that has been created surrounding it.

If this topic makes you uncomfortable, I'm not forcing you to read this.

In fact, please close my blog out. You're a huge part of the problem.

Before I really get into this, please note that I am fully aware that women are not the only victims of rape - men rape men, women rape men - but the common denominator is the same.. Men. The sad fact is 99% of men are the culprits behind reported rapes.

Most rapes are never reported to the police even though society constantly preaches that women should always report a rape. Yet, when you report the rape, you just might find yourself being called a liar, a whore and sometimes TOLD that you wanted it. When you don't report it, you are STILL called a liar, a whore then told that you're making the story up. I surely didn't report my rape when it happened. I've watched too many episodes of Law & Order: SVU but also I've experienced too many real life stories where reporting a rape did nothing but re-victimize the victim over and repeatedly. On top of that, the assailants were not punished.  It's just a lose-lose situation all around.

I was drugged and raped by a young man whose advances I resisted. It felt like my fault entirely because I did set my drink down and the worst occurred because of it. I feel like that's besides the point.. Why was it so important for this character to ensure that I ended up in his bed that night? I mean, my no most definitely meant no. Yet.. I still woke up to find someone's son on top of me, inside of me.. Stroking. I tried to push him off and tell him to stop but I was in so much shock.. It felt like my motor skills were just nonexistent. You know.. I didn't even know when he finished because I passed out again? Personally, I feel as though if you're able to have sex with an unconscious person, you'd have sex with a dead one. I woke up without my pants, without my underwear.. And the young man laid next to me asleep. Truth be told, I wanted to kill him right then and there but I felt so sick; whatever was put in my drink left me dizzy, with a headache, no appetite & I was unable to use the bathroom for several days.. Messed up huh?

You wanna know what else is really messed up? Someone I called my friend was there. Along with some of his friends. The next morning, I asked her to fill in the empty spaces for me. The young man locked us both in his room and he did whatever the hell he wanted to do to me.. She knocked and no one answered. He told them that he performed oral sex on me.. Leaving out the entire truth that I was unconscious during basically everything.. I called my best friend, sobbing hysterically.. She reached out to him and he reached out to me. I would absolutely love to play the audio I recorded for you guys but then you'd know who it is. I listened to him speak .. Saying things like 'I'm sorry', 'I didn't know that you didn't know that's what I was doing, I was trying to get to know you' .. The young man even went so far as to tell me how 'good and warm' I felt. Yeah. That way. You decided the best way to get to know me would be taking my vagina while I was unconscious. Lol. Super. Clearly a winner. And to add insult to injury, you telling me how great my guts are as though I was a willing participant. Wowzers.

I never thought I would be on here telling people about this. Because I was so ashamed when it happened. If you know me, you know I pride myself on being able to defend myself.. Yet the young man stripped me of that same pride in just one night. I cried for weeks and weeks, even attempted to take my life. It sounds so cliché but this is really the reality that many victims face. Some days, I'm okay and some days I'm not. Many times, seeing the rape topic online is very triggering. But it's happening to people. The true inspiration behind this is I have a close friend that basically the same thing happened to. Differences being.. She knew her assailant and she was still a virgin when it occurred. She's much younger than me and she's much like a little sister to me so that cut me very deeply.

Why do we as women have to do so much to compensate for the weak minds of some men? Why must we be subjected to such actions all because some asshole can't take no or keep his penis to himself? It's not fair. And I've grown up being told not to ‘tease’ men, not to look enticing, not to have too short of a skirt, not to show too much cleavage etc. But why? It's because majority of these men today were not taught about the value of self accountability. 

“When you have a well-developed sense of self-accountability, you are honest with yourself, and are answerable and responsible for what you say and do. You have the ability to look beyond the immediate moment to consider the consequences and know if you are willing to pay them.” 

-Dr. Ben Benjamin, massagetoday.com.

See that? That can be anybody. It's definitely me, it can be you. Please stop telling women that they have to take extra precautions just to be safe in the streets without telling men that they must have self control and self accountability. Please stop encouraging men to be sexually aggressive. Please stop making them believe it's okay to make rape jokes and force themselves on hesitant women. Stop creating a grey area when there is none; consent is consent and no is no. Y'all hearing me? Understand that no means no, not yes. If a woman is too drunk/drugged to respond, it's still no. Hell, if you get her naked and about to slide in and she said no, it's no my guy. In a relationship and she says no? Well, sorry fam, it's a no. See? No grey area. Consent = yes. No consent = no.

Ya. Dat way.

I just want you guys to hear me. I feel like this generation has become too desensitized to this topic. It can happen to your mother, your sister, your grandmother, your daughter, your niece, your cousin, your girlfriend or your wife. Think about it. There are literally so many ways to prevent rape as a man, you guys basically have all the power in a situation like that. I'll name a few.

If you see a guy clearly harassing a woman, correct him.. Stand up for her. Be mindful of people's personal space always. Don't shout out degrading or objectifying remarks at women or make jokes about sexual assault/rape. Always communicate with sexual partners and never assume consent. And most importantly, if a friend/relative tells you that they've been raped.. Take them seriously and be supportive.

And if there is anyone, anyone at all.. If you need someone to talk to, I am here.


Until next time,
Raye.

To My Unborn Child.

I'm sure I'm not the only person that has ever been at odds with their parents.
Sometimes I swore they couldn't be my parents, I couldn't stand to be around my mom or my dad.
Sometimes I felt like they were never here for me, they never supported & only criticized. But all I ever wanted was a chance to learn and grow. It's still what I want.

But as I got older, my nonchalance grew. I didn't care much for what anyone said to or about me. I still don't.

I just wanted the two most important people in my life to be here for me like I wanted. Nowadays, it's kind of better. I'm still not as close to my mom as I was when I was a little girl (mainly because my parents weren't together and I barely saw my dad cause he worked alot and I lived with my mom) and I love my dad a lot more because he's realistic. Daddy lets me live my life how I wish with little to no pressure, but he's still willing to be my shoulder to cry on or reprimand me when I'm wrong.

My mom still tries to protect me from everything but the shit I've endured that she knows about (because lol, I hate seeing her cry so she doesn't know about everything that ever went wrong or bad for me) shows that she couldn't.. It's just life. And the world. And in a way, I understand because like her, I'm very protective over the people I love. I love her very much for the things that she's done for me, for praying for me, for encouraging me. And even when we fight, I never forget any of the good things.

But when I become a mommy, I want things to be different. I want my little person to love me so much and to trust me with everything in them. And I feel like everyone that's been through shit with their parents always say something like this.. 'I'm not gonna be anything like my mom/dad.' 'My baby will have it much better than I did.' But who knows what the future will really hold for me and my seed? I can only hope for the best.

That being said, I decided to see if I would be able to pen an open letter to my future heart holder. Here is what I came up with.

To My Unborn Child:
To my little prince or princess, I love you. Just to get it out of the way. There will never be a day that I won't be saying 'I love you.' Because I'll probably say it as soon as I realize you're growing inside of me. And I will say it every day until there is no breath left in my body. Why?
Because I want you to know that no matter what is going on, whether I'm here or I'm gone, whether you're upset with me or I with you.. That you are loved with every single fiber of my being.

I pray for your strength. Because this world is crazy. And I'll teach you that sometimes this life will come for you and knock you down but it's so important to get back up. I almost want to keep you inside my womb where I'm positive that you're always gonna be safe. But that's also crazy. I hope that you have my resilient spirit and my heart filled with empathy & love. I will teach you the benefits and dangers of having those traits. I hope that you never let anyone or anything break you down. But, if there is ever a day that you feel like the world is on your shoulders or that everything is coming crashing down.. Please don't hesitate to come to me. It's my job to pick you up, hold you down & lift you up. You've heard my heart beat from the inside so you know that it only beats for you.

I'll teach you about struggle & poverty but you will never have to go through it. I know you'll appreciate the little things in life like I do. And I'll try really hard not to spoil you rotten.
I'll teach you the importance of working hard AND smart but also the importance of fighting for what you believe in, to always stand against injustice.

I'm not gonna lie, I hope you're outspoken like I am because I'm looking forward to the days that I'm no longer teaching you but you are indeed teaching me. I hope that you won't be easily offended as I tend to be.. And that you're able to see the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. I know you're probably going to be a curious one, like me. And that's perfectly fine. You ask all the questions you want and everything I have an answer for, I will give that same answer to you. I pray that whatever talents our God has blessed you with that you use them them as soon as you come to the realization of their presence.

I pray that you'll be blessed with discernment, to separate the real from the fake. But also, I hope that you never lose sight of your emotions yet still have a better handle on them than your mother.
I pray for your patience.. Your self control. Things I personally struggle with. It is my greatest wish that even in our similarities, you are better than me. I'm not sure who your father might be but I will definitely make sure he's the piece to complete me. So that whatever traits I may lack, you may gain from him. I will make sure that he & I love nothing more than each other, with the exception of you. We will worship the ground you walk on, without a doubt.

My sweet little angel.. I don't mean to rush you but I wish you were here now. I feel like these dreams I chase and these goals I make are solely to cater to you. Nonetheless, take all the time you need because I need to be ready too. In my mind & body because I feel like my heart & soul will always be ready for you. I already love everything about you. And I hope you'll feel the same way about me too. I want you to be proud of me because I will always be proud of you. I am already more than grateful to God for the gift of you and you're still wrapped in His loving arms. 

So, please, my little blessing from above.. Understand that I will always try with you, because I dedicate my life to you.. If you ever feel like I don't understand you or I'm not listening or I'm too critical, please know that it's out of fear that you might portray the worst parts of me.. I cringe at the thought of my sins falling on to you because I want you to be way way better than me. 

So, these words I dedicate to you, my greatest accomplishment & the love of my life, do not take them for granted.


I don't know why this became such a pressing topic for me but I do hope that you enjoy.

Until next time,
Raye.

Vibes Don't Lie: Protecting Your Energy.

I cannot express to you exactly how I feel but I will most definitely try.

I've always felt a pressing need to explain myself or make people understand where I'm coming from.

Because I hate being misunderstood, I hate when my words are taken out of context, all that. So I take the time to articulate my thoughts and figure out the best way to say whatever I'm feeling. Because I want to. I'm fully aware that I don't have to explain myself to anyone.

Recently, I've just been to myself. 

Keeping a handle on my thoughts. 

Protecting my space & energy. 

In my element.

I thought I should just stress the importance of doing so.

People tell me that I'm somewhat of a light to them.. I appreciate that because I adore uplifting people and making sure they're good. That's all fine and dandy but I need my time to recover because I don't act like it but I do have my own problems like everyone else.

Being the empath that I am though, I feel everything for everyone I care about. I feel their pain, I feel their joy, everything.. 

Sometimes, I can feel the emotions of a complete stranger. 

So I take the phrase 'energy doesn't lie' very seriously. 

You can tell what a person is about just by the vibes they give off.

I've had people come into my life and take and take and take from me, I don't complain because I pray that people learn from me and be better which is not always the case because people have this weird superiority complex about getting 'one up' on a genuine soul which is really messed up but it happens. 

That's on them and not me.

A quote by Warsan Shire is one that always rings in my head:

"But sometimes your light attracts moths and your warmth attracts parasites. Protect your space & energy."

I had to learn how to offer compassion and love to people while maintaining my boundaries & personal space, no matter who or what is around. Sometimes, I just disappear. I don't talk to anyone about anything at all. Because my emotions can become overwhelming and I've seen what happens when I let them get out of hand ..

It's imperative because there would be days I would be so tired, so frustrated, so down with no clue as to why I was feeling that way.

Only to realize I had taken on battles that were not mine or that I was battling too much negative energy. 

My family used to make me feel like it was a crime to enjoy my solitude but really, who wants to deal with negative energy bouncing off the walls non-stop and people screaming or arguing for no reason? My parents both joked one day that I couldn't miss the trait of hating people because they're not really sociable, they stay to themselves. I don't hate people though, I just don't like to think of the wrong people feeding off of my energy. 

I enjoy being alone. I hate being lonely. So I find the balance.

Which for me is to see my friends and share POSITIVE energy. 

But God bless my sweet babies that understand when I just wanna be alone. That it's not personal but I need the time to myself. I need a reboot. Being sociable is exhausting.

Some people don't get that though.  And these are the people you avoid. People that are inconsiderate. People that believe that when you ask for a minute or you take some time for yourself that you're being selfish when really it's them.

Listen y'all. For real.

It is literally life or death to protect your energy. 

So if you got a friend/family member that is always on some bullshit, always negative, stagnant, with no kind of ambition or drive to do anything but negative things, LET THEM GO. CUT THEM LOOSE.

Especially if you've done all you can to help them be better. You can love them from a distance but it's best if they're not a big presence in your life. 

Truth be told, you cannot force someone to grow. 

Because although change might be inevitable, growth is most definitely optional/intentional.

So be mindful of the energy you receive and the energy you give off, take care of yourself.. Physically, emotionally & mentally.

And always remember this:

Hearts & hugs, 
Raye.

'So, what are we?' A Take On Situationships.

Hey guys,

I hope that August is really good to you guys and that you accomplish every goal you've set.

*clears throat* 

Today I'd like to bring to you a very controversial topic: Situationships

For those of you that don't know what they are, let me break it down..

A situationship can be defined as two people that are romantically involved with the inclusion of but not limited to dating, house visits, shared friends, parent meeting (I think this pushing it because.. lol but I'll add it because I've heard of it happening) and lots of sex. Plot twist: no titles, no obligations, no sense of entitlement, no rules and no boundaries. 

It's 2017 and I know the vast majority of you have been involved in or you're currently involved in a situationship. It's not the ideal situation (ha!) to be in but it works for some people. Others... Not so much.

 Lol, lemme tell you about my experience with situationships.

I found a young man to be very intriguing. He was very handsome and very well put together.. I was curious about him. I was pretty new to sex or whatever but I knew I wanted to have him in that way. That way only because I had just gotten out of a shitty relationship with a psychopath and I wasn't really interested in commitment. I approached him and initiated the situationship. We actually started off as really good friends and then sex came after. I wouldn't recommend that because it complicates the situation simply because you've already established a level of affection and care for that person and sex, no matter how casual we may intend for it to be, is a very intimate act. I played myself because he did indeed stick to the whole idea of 'we're having sex and we like each other but we aren't in a relationship and we never will be' while I ended up head over heels for the kid. I mean, in love. I grew tired of being unable to define the relationship between us.. I used to say that we were 'less than lovers but more than friends'. But I realized that we would never be together and that I had to move on.

And let me tell y'all something about unrequited love: it's a BITCH. A bigger bitch than karma in my humble opinion. But I did that to myself. I gave all of me to someone who barely gave me half of them. Took me a while to let it go and get over it and it's all good now. 2 years later, I found myself in another situationship. This time, it was way different because I knew what to expect and I understood fully what I was getting myself into.

We had really good sex, we were always open and honest with each other, we didn't spend alot of unnecessary time together (I know what that causes: UNNECESSARY FLICKIN FEELINGS), we didn't speak to each other if we ended up at the same event, shit, I promise you, the only people that know we know each other are my closest friends and his.

After a while, we stopped taking care to avoid feelings and what not. I noticed I was beginning to care about what he was doing and who he did it with (which wasn't my place) and he admitted to me that he got jealous from time to time about things he saw on my social media (def not his place).. Even our interactions in real life became much more intimate. I really didn't wanna travel down the same path with him like I did on my first go round. So.. I ceased interacting with him. Cut it all the way off. Sucks but hey, you do what you must. Some days I miss it. Him. Whatever. Gross. Feelingssssss lmao :(.

Situationships can be beneficial to those involved but to be honest, one wrong move can lead to something like what occurred with homie and I. There are ways to avoid the drama and have an advantageous situationship:

• DO NOT start a situationship with anybody you may have any remote feelings for. I'm not saying have sex with someone you hate but it'll go much smoother if you guys just have a mutual understanding and leave it there. I'm saying this because when my first situationship ended, I lost more than I gained because he was really my best friend, lover and all that wrapped up in one.
• DON'T talk to them unless necessary. I feel as though in the beginning you should communicate enough so that you guys know what is required/desired from each other. Otherwise, keep convos short and sweet. Feelings could burst you in ya eye quick quick if y'all on FaceTime until 4AM talking about any and everything every blessed day. Speaking from experience.
• DON'T kiss them. Yeah, this was hard for me because I love kissing. But kissing has been proven to be an intimate act that breeds feelings (for me, if not for you, cool, do ya ting).
• ALWAYS remember it's just like a business transaction.  I said earlier, sex is an intimate act. BUT that doesn't mean you can't just get ya tings and go. Don't lay up, don't cuddle and don't sleep over. Next thing you know, you watching the other person sleep thinking bout y'all having a family together then boom, you in love and lmao, just.. No.
• ALWAYS PROTECT YOURSELF! For fuck's sake, we all know raw sex is a wonderful feeling (if y'all wanna play dumb, that's fine too). But please, this person has NO obligation to you, that is NOT your man/woman and not because y'all having sex means you're the only person they're having sex with. Don't get caught slipping in these streets. 
• COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY. Anybody can develop feelings at any given time. If you feel yourself becoming emotional towards that person, tell them. But be prepared if they don't feel the same way. Never hold on to someone or something if they don't want to be held on to. You are both under no obligation to each other and you can come and go as you please. If you're not being satisfied, you have every right to leave. Resentment is something you never wanna experience, take it from me. 

I'm gonna tell y'all now, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY SHIT YOU GET INTO LISTENING TO ME ABOUT THIS.

This is all solely what I have learned from my experience(s).

Different strokes for different folks; what may float my boat might not be able to power yours, feel me?

Because, if we're being real, situationships aren't for me. I wouldn't enter another one if you paid me. Because, I honestly feel like the feelings are inevitable. But. Just my opinion.

This has been pretty lengthy so if you got this far, you're the best. Thanks :').

Blessings,
Raye.