Take That L, You Lose.

Recently I’ve been dealing with a whole lot of losses.

DAMN THIS FRIGGIN RETROGRADE BRO.
(If you have no idea what I'm referring to, google 'Mercury retrograde')

I realized that I hate losing a long time ago and every time I took a loss, I ended up completely disregarding the lessons that came with those losses and losing a whole lot more than I needed to.

It’s crazy how when you lose someone or something, you realize the value of the person or the object.

I’m growing out of my ‘throwing a tantrum when things don’t go my way’ phase slowly but surely.

But the biggest lesson for me is dealing with the fact that I took a loss because of myself. 

For every choice you make, there are consequences. 

For every action you take, there will be an equal and opposite reaction. 

I have a personal issue rn that I shouldn’t be upset about but I am. I’m just upset with myself. I really really messed things up. And I don't know how to fix it but believe me, I'm trying my best.

The mere fact that I did it to myself is killing me.. It's hard for me to accept when I mess things up, whether it’s a relationship or friendship.. From the most complex to the simplest things. 

It really sucks. And I beat myself up for it. For every time.

But the truth is..

I have too much pride and a way bigger ego than I thought. I constantly push away the people that love me with my selfish acts and my overly independent mentality. I don't trust easily and I'm big on self-sabotage clearly.. lol. But it's mainly that I'm used to dealing with things by myself because (if you remember me saying in one of my earlier blogs) I hate being misunderstood with a passion. 

This just in: 

I can't do it all by myself like I hoped.

This ego of mine would definitely be the death of me if I continue to let it run wild & free.

I used to blame everyone and everything for the consequences I suffered after messing something up. But never would I blame myself.

Blameless, stainless. That’s what I thought. 

But you know what it really was?

My ego. 

Turns out that I am indeed my biggest enemy.

My biggest critic.

But I am also my biggest fan.

My best friend, my greatest support system.

Who can humble me better than myself?

God, yes. And without saying, life. Lol.

But other than that, just me.

So, here’s what I’m saying to you.

Look deeper than what’s going on around you. Look more inside of yourself. Check your ego. Humble yourself. 

“I believe that the biggest problem humanity faces is an ego sensitivity to finding out whether one is right or wrong and identifying what one’s strengths & weaknesses are.”

- Ray Dalio

And I truly believe that. We all have some kind of ego that gets in the way of things. 

Things like personal growth, creativity, success, relationships etc.. Shit, life in general bey.

Like you could really be losing out on a boatload of opportunities because you can't take a chill pill and be humble. Listen. Receive the info. Act. You don't know everything. The world doesn't revolve around you. Funny funny funny and so ironic because I'm just now realizing this for myself lol. 

It be ya own inability to see things for what they really are.

It seems like I’m the last one to know this as well because I've had loved ones tell me about these things time and time again and I just wouldn't budge. Am I a Libra or a Taurus? LMAO.

I'm definitely at a point now where the only thing I really want to do is right my wrongs. 

So those things I mentioned up there are things I personally have to work on. 

There are so many things I want to fix but can’t. I have to make peace with everything I’ve done at the end of the day. And fix what I’m able to. Another task for me: learning to let things go and find peace in doing so. Taking things as they come and being okay with how they turn out, even if the turnout doesn’t favor me at all. And this next quote is something that'll stay with me for the rest of my days.

“To have ego means to believe in your own strength. And to also be open to other people’s views. It is to be open, not closed. So yes, my ego is very big but it is also very small in some areas. My ego is responsible for my doing what I do - good or bad.”

-Barbara Streisand

It is what it is. Think about it for yourself though. We all have different battles we face daily.

Saying all of that to say this..

You may be the biggest obstacle you gotta overcome to achieve your plans, your dreams, your goals etc.. 

Who can stop you but yourself? 

My only prayer for next year and every year after is that I continue to learn and grow. I want nothing to shake me to my core because I’m so firmly rooted in my peace. Also, I have to work on forgiving myself! I never forgive myself and I dwell on things forever. Just wanna cut that completely. So I will.

I can only go up from here because I’ve been at my lowest point for far too long. I preach a whole lot of positivity because I love uplifting people but it’s so important to me that I practice what I preach now. 

Because I promise y’all, I talk to myself so rough lol. 

I’m always told to be easier on myself because I’m only human but honestly, I really don’t feel as though I’m doing enough. I’m tryna do better than good enough.

A few reminders:
Don't be so hard on yourself if you really are trying your best. What's for you will not pass you by. Be faithful in your deeds & stay consistent with your work. Learn when to cut your losses and accept them as lessons for next time. Don't force anything. What is meant to flow will always flow. Turn your ego down. Open your mind & heart. Trust your process always. It's not a race but a journey.. Keep at your own pace & stay in your lane. One life to live.. How you gonna live?

Praying lots of love, peace, positivity and prosperity to all of you.

Be safe because the world is crazy. 

Until next time,

Raye. 

Better Vibes x Long Live King Dre 🍃🐢

I didn't post last week because I was feeling down... In an inexplicable way.

But as I type this now with a heavy heart, I see the purpose of the pain I was feeling.

December 3rd 2017, I lost a dear friend.. Drazen. 

Dre. 

An actual angel that walked and talked with many of us.

Everyone’s therapist & confidante; as long as you needed a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, you can bet it was him if you guys were friends. Didn’t even have to be friends, Dre was the kindest soul you could ever meet.

My brother. 

I still don’t know what to say or how to feel.

I know I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m hurting in ways I didn’t even know possible.

It’s been a while since I’ve lost anyone so close to my heart and I’ve never been good at dealing with death. I’m not big on grief because I’m an emotional person in general. I don’t cope well with a lot of issues really but I do my best, I guess.

But death is a big one. 

And it’s always the good ones. Always.

The ones with the purest souls. The ones with the most genuine intentions. Drazen. That’s him.

Only 24 years old. The good die young and it’s just not fair.

Dre wouldn’t complain about anything at all. He always did more than you asked of him and even when you didn’t ask, he still did.

You couldn’t ask for someone with a bigger heart.

I’m realizing now that he impacted way more people with his positivity than I could’ve ever imagined. 

My friends and I can personally vouch for the times he talked us off of the ledge, he came through when nobody else would. He was the rock of our group tbh. The comfort we would seek when we couldn’t deal with life and its curve balls. I’m seeing he was the same for a whole lot of people and it has me shook.

Not because I thought it was impossible but because I wanted to be selfish and tell him about his millions of friends when that was why he was here. To impact people positively.

That’s why we all here but Dre was the physical embodiment. God saw it fit to have His angel come home.

It’s killing me to see RIP next to his name and knowing that I’ll never see that smile or hear his laugh or receive a hug again.

No more ‘outside young man’ texts lmao.

No more running into him downtown or anywhere at all.

No more pep talks when things get too tough.

All we have are memories.

But he’s here in the spirit. I know he’s at peace and I’m praying we all find that same peace. 

I’ve cried myself sick and I know he’d frown upon that but I can’t help it. I just need him to come back and tell me it was a joke so we can fight about it and then laugh about it.

Always had the answers.. Need them more than ever but that’s just not gonna happen..

God I’m sorry for questioning you because I’m honestly still tryna figure out what this is all about.

But I have no choice but to allow you to work and to trust the process.

Hear my cry, hear the cries of Drazen’s loved ones, family & friends alike.. Comfort us all. Wrap us in your loving arms. Thank you for his years spent here on Earth. Thank you for allowing him to be in my life and the lives of so many others.. Thank you for the many lessons, laughs & love we shared. Thank you for your unwavering support! I’ve been tryna hold my tears back for a while but they just won’t stop coming.. I promise your memory will live on through all of us. I promise I’ll complain less & smile more. I’ll love harder and forgive always. You’re truly irreplaceable and there’s no way we can compensate for the loss of someone like you..

But your last retweet was ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ I wish I knew the reason but if that’s all I get.. I have to deal I guess. It really sucks that this is what it took to throw things into perspective but I promise I’ll do better for you. 

I don’t think I can say anymore except this.

We love you Dre. We won’t ever forget you. I know I’ll miss you every day but I know you’ll be with me every day. With all of us. Promise to run off and start that new life we talked about way back. Better vibes brother.. Better vibes 🍃🐢. Rest in sweet peace angel.

With lots of love,

your Sugar Raye Leonard.

Journal Chronicles I

Honestly, the past two weeks have been a whirlwind and I am truly exhausted.
So exhausted that I completely neglected my duty as a writer and had nothing prepared for my blog.
I feel like I'm so serious most times when I do a post so this one I'll ease up.
Because at the end of the day, this is still a personal blog. I started it to talk about my life and my thoughts on certain topics and situations of life with hopes that I can help and entertain.
So far, it's been going just fine but here's a little humor for your week. Less serious.
Just me chatting to ya.
I'll just get you guys up to speed on the shambles that I call my life.

First of all, I'm not as deep into the shambles as I was because I have a new job!

Yesssss, I'm blessed because I was only jobless for four months but nonetheless, it was rough being broke fam. Thank you God for keeping me always. I learned a lot about myself and the people around me during that time and.. Man. It's been serious.
Anyways, I won't really disclose where I work at the moment but eh, I might as well tell y'all lmao..
Being the new girl is hard. You got people constantly tryna get to know you but if you already know me, you know that ain't my cup of tea. LMAOO.
Bro.
Story time.
So, I couldn't find my way around but a part of my job requires me doing these drop offs.
Man so, I asked this dude in a different department where do I find [redacted]. He introduced himself (we'll call him Jim) and whatever but I wasn't into all of that. However, I was nice about it cause ya girl was lost as a mf and it was still my first week. Anyways, Jim talked about his department and what he does then he told me where I needed to go. 5 minutes tops. I haven't seen him since. Why is that relevant?
WELL.
Another dude from that same department (we'll call him Jeff) walks up to me while I was having breakfast in the cafeteria the following week. Jeff asks if he could sit with me.

Now y'all know very well the real me was like..

But, I just said okay. It couldn't be that bad right? Just being nice right? Yeah, I thought. It was all good until he started talking.

'So, you new right?'

I'm like, 'Yeah. But you already knew that.'

So he proceeds to say 'So I heard that you and Jim talking. I wanted to know if it was serious.'

Here are a series of gifs that describe my reactions.

I almost choked on my grits. CAUSE WELL UNCLE ASS WHAT YOU MEAN?

I talked to the young man for 5 minutes. What else we talk about besides our shared workplace?
SMT.
I told Jeff, don't mix me up cause I don't know him, he don't know me. And you don't know me either. Now leave me alone. I also added that I'm quiet for a reason, don't bother me.

Dat was weird y'all. Time now, I was saying in my head.. Muddoe, when I see this Jim character again, I'll fckn...

Well. I haven't seen him and it's been another week so I'm over it. I will admit that I've been wary of literally everyone there ever since. I dunno.. I'm actually always really uncomfortable when a male hits on me or compliments me nowadays. Even if I'm attracted to you. I'm the weird one huh? My daddy told me I gotta realize the world doesn't revolve around me. Like sir, first of all, you made me like this. 

Kidding. I don't think the world revolves around me. I do firmly believe in my own space though.. I don't like to share this solitude with anyone. And not working for that short period of time pushed me back into my introverted ways. I don't like talking unless I have to or unless I like you. And you can ask my friends, I talk a lot but when I don't.. I really don't. I'm perfectly fine being in someone's company and not speaking the entire time. So, I dunno. Maybe I'm the weird one.

But besides all of that, the job itself is cool. I'm grateful for it. 

Recently, my mental state has been a bit shaky. I'm battling with myself and I kinda know why.

I'm working on being a positive being after having a convo with my dad. In the same breath of telling me the world doesn't revolve around me.... He also told me that the only person that's keeping me from my dreams and goals is me. I already knew that but when other people see it, it's a bit offsetting for me. I've never been good at receiving criticism because I'm sensitive as a mf.. But as I get older, it's getting better. It's so important to me at this point that I'm not compromising my dreams for anybody or anything. My dreams are everything to me and I'll do whatever I have to for them to come true. I believe in myself. That's the key. Be your biggest fan guys. Be proud of yourself, pat yourself on the back, give yourself a hug. Reassure yourself. Stay focused. Pray. Drink water.

Also, do me a favor and don't settle for anything less than you deserve. 

Reminder to not be a procrastinator and to not be so hard on myself. 

This is your reminder as well. You're only human. You're doing your best. 

If you KNOW you're not doing your best, stop practicing caca and get on that.

Did I mention the dude at work who was eating his grits out of a glass?????

Man.

LMAOOO. Y'all have no idea about the things I see every day.

Anyways!

It's about that time. I'm still doing research for a project I'm working on.

So, you know I love ya. Thanks for reading this blog written by a girl from the western part of an island. See you soon.

Hearts & hugs,

Raye.

Shaking The Table: Double Standards

Okay guyssss, this is a special blog because we have a special guest!

Show some love to Colin! He's a writer for The Solid (as am I) which is under maintenance at the moment but will be back soon!

Real excited to do this collab because 1.) YO I HAVE A GUEST! 2.) Colin is hellaaaa funny plus he’s real and raw, straight to the point always.

Okay, so this one was weighing on me for a bit because I'm all for equality.
I grew up around boys so obviously they got to do things I wanted to but couldn't because I'm a girl.
I think this is so good to have a male perspective cause y'all probably would wanna fight me lmao.
But I wanna touch on some of these stereotypes society has placed on both genders.

Side note: I'm not gonna be trashing men completely but just giving my opinion. Y'all already know, I'm not a professional!

Side note on the side of the first side note: We did this independent of each other so any similarities in our opinions are completely coincidental.

Colin: I guess I should introduce myself seeing that this is my first time here. You can refer to me as Colin or as my alias "Sway" because I don’t have all the answers. I typically say stuff that make sense most of the time, but meh. Take it as you wish. Ok on to the meat of things. Raye invited me to give some perspective on some gender issues that we all should be familiar with.

- Only women can be hoes; they must have a body count of one or none or her value decreases. Men? They can smash as many women as they please and it's nothing. 

Raye: Well, that's bullshit tbh. It's your body. Do what you want. Your value is not determined by a man. Your worth is not determined by the amount of people you sleep with. That doesn't make you more or less 'wifeable'. First of all, who wants to be your wife little boy? What can you do for me besides give me dick and a headache? Why do you feel so entitled to a woman with little to no sexual history when you've been all over the place? Cause really lol, niggas be worried about your count and can't remember their own. Can't fix ya mouth to call someone's daughter a hoe while you and your siblings have different last names. IF you wanna be like that and get technical. Niggas be out here with double digits, slinging dick any and everywhere and it's 'just boys being boys'. Y'all praise these niggas while they're whoring but God forbid a woman does the same lol. Y'all be pressed as hell. It literally has nothing to do with you, to me, because the only part of my sexual history I feel needs to be shared with a partner or potential partner is whether or not I have/had STD's. That's it. Hear me out though, DO NOT let these niggas use and abuse you. Do what you're comfortable with doing because they still gonna chase you whether your count is 2 or 20. (Shout out Tin for that last line.)

Colin: The Ipsilateral Body Count debate. Apparently, its 2017 and it’s wrong to shame women for being sexually liberal. In my humble opinion, I’m sorry it took so long it to happen. The indoctrinated patriarchal values prevalent in society has enslaved our women to an unjust social norm that disallows them to grine whomsoever they please without being labeled (hoe, slut etc.). On the other side, men are revered for their sexual achievements; the more the better and sadly, the younger you start juicing the more accolades you receive from your colleagues. But, yea. Does it all matter? Should a man worry if he is doggy number 34 on his WCW’s list? Or should a woman be weary if the dude she’s about to court only had one partner before her and may be wack in bed? My answer: Who the f*ck cares?
Like I said before, I don’t have the answers so this is just how I see things. If I’m number 50 for a lady that I’m interesting in, there best not be no 51. You gatta be done with the juicing game when you dealing dis here. “Dizzz Dick Aint Freeeee” * Kendrick Lamar voice*. If you wanna continue on your penis sampling rampage, then go right ahead. You don’t need my Vienna. I’m relationship oriented and at my current age, my end goal is marriage so if you’re not in a similar mindset then, be gone. This simply saying that I don’t really care about body counts… just don’t grine none of my boys. This is all I ask.
On the flipside again, ladies who have on the hazard lights because she is dating a virgin and fear his inexperience, don’t worry. An extraordinary sexual encounter is just as emotional as it is physical. Just how he can learn you as a person, he can learn your body and give out the proper jooks. Just teach him. Simple.

- A man is born to lead and women are meant to follow. A man taking charge shows 'leadership abilities'while a woman taking charge only makes her out to be 'bitchy' or 'bossy'.

Raye: Lmao listen. The only thing I can really admit is that everyone cannot be a leader. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, some women in authority can be bitchy/bossy but it's only because she has to demand respect. Most men cannot stomach having a woman as a boss. They be tryna undermine them or make them feel small and it's uncalled for. She's the boss for a reason. Praying that it's the wholesome reason of hard work and perseverance (no shade) so I can follow up with this.. If you wanted to be the boss, you would have put in the work. Some men be in top positions with women as their advisors. Guys be flexing their muscles as CEO and really owe their success to a woman. Humble yourselves people. Same people you pass on the way up, you gotta pass them on the way down. Kudos to the real self made bosses out here. Men and women.

Colin: I don’t even know who the hell thinks this. In case y’all didn’t know, women are very much capable humans compared to men. They can be leaders. They can be Presidents. They can be Prime Ministers. They can be Pastors (or Pastress. I think I just made that word up). They can be, dare I say it, Leaders of Political Parties…..And you know what’s the funny thing…..THEY ARE. Other parts of the world other than the U.S. and The Bahamas, we have high ranking women doing jobs typically dominated by men. But, yea. Women solid bey. Y’all take charge hya.

- Men are the providers and women should be content as housewives.

Raye: I might as well tell ya. I ain't no housewife. I ain't bout to be a stay at home mom or nothing like that lol. I have big dreams, I got golden goals. I don't see any issue in both of us providing for our household. That equal effort will make a huge difference to me. I don't care how much I work, I'd never neglect my children. Or my house. Nigga, do you knowwww how hard I worked for the things I have now? Imagine how hard I'll go for my seed or my home. Psh. I'm not marrying anybody who doesn't have the same drive as me. You crazy if you think I'm gonna just squash the independence I fought for though. Yeah, you can take care of me but I'll take care of you as well. 50/50. I plan to have assets and certain things set in place by the time I'm ready to get married so. Godspeed.

Colin: Oh yea, no bey. Y’all may take this for a joke, but let me marry a woman who making more money than me. SHE is the breadwinner in this relationship. I CAN’T WAIT. People have their own definitions of relationships/marriage and I have mine. A relationship isn’t 50/50; its 100/100. Everybody give their all. Not just finances but this goes for every intangible aspect of relationships as well. Furthermore, roles are dynamic. If I am the best chef in the world and I’m very domesticated, I could expect to put more hours in the kitchen than my lady. If my lady has her certification from BTVI for Electrical Installation, who you think I calling to install this ductless? If I wanna take paternal leave from work to take care of my 3 month old while my lady must work, why can’t I? If my lady grew up servicing cars with her old man all her life and now owns a lucrative automotive repair shop, why I going to Nassau Motors? Baby you better change that oil filter and stop joking. If I marry Ronda Rousey and someone trying to rob us at knife point, INE FIGHTING! You the Power Ranger. Protect US! Fuck adhering to gender roles. Who is best to do it should do it when they can do it.

- A man in touch with his emotions is weak; showing emotion is something only women should do.

Raye: BABYBOY CRY TO ME! If you ask me, being emotionally unavailable is a weak trait. I feel everything but I've been at a point where I've felt nothing. Apathy is not attractive. It alienates the people that care about you. I know too many men who don't know how to express themselves or show emotion. They turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms (excessive drinking and smoking are big ones) and it's just something we brush off.. That's messed up. I don't care what society says, I'm speaking for most if not all women, WE LOVE TO SEE EMOTION. Tell me why you're sad, tell me why you're angry, tell me why you're happy, tell me when you don't even know what the hell it is you're feeling. It's healthy to express yourself! It's important to me that everybody's feelings are acknowledged and respected. Sometimes we can overlook this in men because we all grew up being taught that they're the strong ones, that we must depend on them as our support system always. Well, remember that your support system needs a support system as well.

Colin: Simply put, society made this a thing. I’m sure everyone knows the phrase, “real men don’t cry” or some shit like that. Quite honestly, its bullshit. Humans experience emotions and males are human. Thus, males experience emotions. It’s the suppressing of those emotions that are toxic to the person can consequently manifest itself in other shitty personality traits like narcissism, violent tendencies, homophobia, xenophobia etc. (That last one hurt the most. Like why would you hate the Warrior Princess for any reason. I digress). The case with this is, I do believe us men should be able to (at the very least) learn how to display emotion. Fellas, I know you have emotions, just know (or learn) how to express them. If you’re sad, you can cry. Its ok. However, don’t go and Snapchat story of you all snotty up, lookin like an ass. Another thing that is recommended, talk to someone. A close friend, a counselor, a parent, your lady. If you need to tweet lyrics for 6 months, go ahead. Just don’t make it public like an ass. If you sad about spending Toyota Passo money in Ferragamo for a woman who cheated on you, you can cry fam. You can be depressed. You still a man. We all make mistakes. For the ladies, don’t emasculate your man if he cries. Just don’t. Be a pillar of strength for him. Society already is against him for not being an alpha male or at least not feigning the bravado well enough. Help him through it. Don’t buff him and go tell all your friends about it making him look like an ass.

- Women cannot sexually harass or rape men. 'What grown man lets a woman take advantage of them?'

Raye: Ironic of me to be defending males in this one but here it is. I've had male friends sexually assaulted. I mean, real life sexual assaulted. Bey, I'm sick of telling people consent is consent and no is no; there is no grey area. Even with the stories of 12 year old dudes losing their virginity to women of consenting age..  People laugh these things off when it happens to a male but it's just not funny. Like, you wouldn't think it's funny if your 14 year old daughter/sister lost her virginity to a 24 year old man right? Same rules apply. Rape jokes, actual rape/sexual assault.. I know dudes that were drugged man. I'm gonna skate off of this by saying, take this one seriously. Rape can happen to men. Women can be predators too. Don't put anything past anyone.

Colin: Ok, yes. Women can sexually harass a male. No means “NO” ma’am.

- Females can be bisexual and praised but bisexual men are shunned.

Raye: LOLLL, I hate this one fr. Cause niggas look at gals like they some type super hybrid goddess when they say they go both ways but if a nigga says that, everyone cringing and saying 'no bey, he can't be bi, he like man'. Ok, lmao. It's all fun and games until that same bisexual gal you so cool with steal ya gal after that threesome you planned. That's how life goes.

Colin: Ok, yea. Men can be bisexual, but ma boy, you can call it whatever you want. If ya practice gay shit, ya like man. Dassit. If you like poking bootyholes then that is on you. No judgment here. If you like poking bootyholes and pum pum holes, all power to ya. Just let us be clear, you may not like exclusively man, but you is be liking “some” man. You can’t be bisexual without like likin man so….. there’s that.

- Men should not hit women, regardless of if they are provoked.

Raye: Buddy.. I know not only me was taught the concept of hitting someone back when they hit you. I saw a video the other day where this dude told the girl over and over don't hit him. She still hit him and nobody stopped her. It wasn't until he bounce her head off the pavement that people intervened. Long story short, if you don't want someone's son punching ya head clean off.. Don't hit him. Just. DON'T HIT HIM. Me? I understand the consequences of laying hands on people and as much as I joke about fighting and stuff, I don't bother unless someone bothers me. If I swing, I'm fully aware that a fight will most likely ensue. If ya can't take a punch, sit small until ya name get called.

Colin: Don’t put hands on nobody’s child and be upset with the result. You cannot be upset with someone’s reaction if you incited it. If I slap somebody and they shoot me, that’s my wibe! What I doing slapping people? I can’t control someone’s reaction to what I did. Yea, the response may be excessive or maybe even illegal, but it could have been avoided if I didn’t do anything in the first place. Back to the men/women thing. If a woman in my face, shouting, cursing and sending verbal threats (which is a crime btw), and I push her forcefully off of me, then she punches me square in my jaw and before she delivers another I give her one Big Texas, who is in the wrong? If anyone say me then you are the problem with the world. Your constant propagation of double standards are ruining this country and we are getting rid of y’all in 2018.

- Women always have to be on guard and refrain from tempting/enticing men to rape.

Raye: F*CK ALL THAT NOISE BRO! Just stop raping people what the f*ck! You can be fully clothed and if a man wants to rape you, he'd rape you. Again, like I say constantly.. Consent is consent and no is no. Shame on all the old people that constantly get at females for dressing how they want. Let me wear my shorts and crop tops bro. It sucks that we live in a world where people make excuses for their failure to teach their sons respect and self control. You are not entitled to my body. I do not owe you anything. It ain't fun having to carry weapons around and basically live a paranoid life. I was never this paranoid until it happened to me so this is me saying it can happen to anyone. I'll end this thought with this quote, idk where it's from but it's relevant.. "While we teach our daughters to be cautious, let's also teach our sons not to objectify, dehumanize or sexualize women."

Colin: Women don’t have to do shit with herself to avoid rape. Rapists just need to stop f*cking raping. Like I said before, NO means “NO”. How is a short skirt “asking for it”? You know what you should do? Actually ask her for it and if she say no, then DON’T RAPE HER! Don’t touch her. Don’t Bill Cosby her to make her “pliable”. How is this hard to do?
Stealing is a crime and it is wrong. If I decide to leave my car open with $10,000 on the seat, did I ask the world to steal my money/car? Hell no. It’s not yours. Leave people teengs. Thieves need to stop thieving. Rapists need to stop raping.
If I see a defenseless baby chilling in the crib and I say, “boy this baby open, I should punch this baby head clean off for not knowing how to fight”. You see how much of y’all jaw dropped? You know it’s wrong, right? OK then.
Flipside: This goes for women as well. You shouldn’t grab a man’s privates or his butt if he didn’t give you consent. That’s sexual assault. If the roles were reversed, it would have been a no-brainier right? Dude was losing his job one shot. Another scenario is when females say they can just take it from their man whenever she wants. “His penis doesn’t belong to him anymore”. If a woman even whispers rape (not to mention it was from the hands of a celebrity), he was getting locked up and the court of public opinion would burn him at the stake. So, I implore females to think of this whenever their toxic femininity shows its ugly head by claiming entitlement to a man’s body.

Well guys..
There ya have it. Two sides from both genders in this topic! Don't feel there's much more to say so we done here!


Until next time,
Raye

P.S. It's November 1, which means it's almost December, which means CHRIMAAAAA IS COMINGGGG BIHHHH!

When Discipline Becomes Abuse

Discipline vs. abuse.. Where can we draw the line?

I don't know about you but my ass is black and growing up, my ass was grass.

If you missed what I'm saying, I got my ass beat when I did something wrong or stepped out of line.

'Getting beating' is what we call it over here.

Discipline, they called it.

'It'll make you better', they said.

But let's be real, it wasn't really beneficial to be beaten for every screw up I've had. 

I'm just saying if you're tryna make a point to your child about a mistake they made, punching them in their head isn't really the best way to do so, you know?

I never really realized the negative effect it had on me and most people don't.

Most of us say 'I used to get my ass beat all the time but you don't see anything wrong with me right?' 

Lol.. Yeah okay.

When I listened to Kendrick Lamar's DAMN. album, I found myself shook.

Real life shook when I heard FEAR.

If you look up the lyrics or listen in depth (I did both), you'd see the break down of three different instances of fear in his life.
The first verse is about a young child with a strict mother:

"I beat yo ass, keep talkin' back

I beat yo ass, who bought you that?

You stole it, I beat yo ass if you say that game is broken

I beat yo ass if you jump on my couch

I beat yo ass if you walk in this house

With tears in your eyes, runnin’ from Poo Poo and Prentice

Go back outside, I beat yo ass, lil nigga

That homework better be finished, I beat yo ass

Your teachers better not be bitchin' 'bout you in class

That pizza better not be wasted, you eat it all

That TV better not be loud if you got it on

Them Jordans better not get dirty when I just bought 'em

Better not hear ’bout you humpin' on Keisha's daughter

Better not hear you got caught up

I beat yo ass, you better not run to your father

I beat yo ass, you know my patience runnin' thin

I got buku payments to make

County building's on my ass, tryna take my food stamps away

I beat yo ass if you tell them social workers he live here

I beat yo ass if I beat yo ass twice and you still here

Seven years old, think you run this house by yourself?

Nigga, you gon' fear me if you don't fear no one else"

I hope y'all get the point so far but if not, lemme elaborate.

The whole 'fear me and nobody else' thing is a dud. 
I feel like getting hit was just a way for me to listen when really the whole purpose of discipline is to educate your children and teach them right from wrong. Not take away their power or make them feel small.

I don't wanna make this a race thing but yeah, I know many times we've seen white kids screaming at or being completely disgusting to their parents and your black ass was there like "man my mummy would beat me to grits" and she probably was there looking at you like "yeah, I wish ya black ass would." Time you ain't even do nothing and she ready to tear ya head off.
They grow up differently from us obviously due to their privilege; they live as though the world is theirs for the taking. 

We grew up always being told to act right because we were born with targets on our backs.. 
And then we end up getting punished in a pretty violent way when we slip up or step out of line.. Getting whipped with belts. Yeah, y'all getting hit with memories of your grammy telling you pick a switch, a strong one. 

But what did slave masters do to their slaves to keep them in line? Oh? That's tea.

But for real though, black families have this thing about instilling 'fear' in their kids with these harsh punishments to keep them from going wayward.. Not knowing that that same tactic is what may cause them to stray. And this is something that has been passed down from generation to generation.. The solution to every problem is a good old fashioned cut ass. A lot of the times I was 'disciplined', I really didn't learn anything. All I got was a sore body part and a lot of thoughts about running away lmaoooo. 

I've seen children humiliated in front of the school, in front of their friends and peers, in public places like the mall or movies.. Slapped, punched, kicked, stomped, whipped.. All in the name of teaching them a lesson. My parents always told me it was all done in love and for the greater good but.. My head must be real hard cause I don't see how. You embarrassing me tryna prove a point really puts a strain on our relationship; you can't expect me to trust you the same or at all after the fact. The only thing being taught is how to fear and resent you long after childhood.

And let me briefly touch on verbal abuse.. I heard a saying before that goes 'Your parents are the first people to break your heart.' Don't talk down to your children please. For any reason. It's never okay. You can say get over it or toughen up as much as you want but it's not that simple. Then.. You wonder why they're so secretive or they don't talk to you about anything.

Mutual power & respect: a concept. 

Hear me out cause I know y'all probably wondering where on God's green earth am I trying to go with this.

Yes, I believe 100% that you should respect your parents/elders but I also believe that they should give you something to respect. Too many times you would find adults out here doing the things they tell their kids not to do with the excuse being 'don't do as I do, do as I say'. For me, that was always pretty confusing because if it's so wrong for me to do, why are you doing it?

 -coughs- 

Hypocrites. 

-dry hacking cough-

 I said it.
Be the example you want your children to follow.
Furthermore, give your children the leeway to express themselves. Stop making it seem as though it's disrespectful to stand up for themselves when you'd encourage them to do so when it comes to someone other than you. As long as you're both communicating effectively and respectfully (adding this because I don't want y'all to think I'm here for screaming matches because I'm not), I don't see any room for issues to arise. Let them have a voice but also teach them it's okay to respectfully disagree when your opinions differ. I'm also a big fan of learning from other people's mistakes so I encourage you to tell them about similar situations in their life that you may have faced at their age. A word to the wise is sufficient.

Anyways, listen.

I'm not trying to tell anyone how to discipline their children or to not discipline them at all but we have got to outgrow this mentality that these types of punishments are the only way. The intent may be good but this is not the way to go.
Because honestly, I've seen situations where anger takes over and the beating goes way too far.
Why not avoid that altogether?
And don't tell me I'm overreacting when that one time your old lady bark your ass with that 2x4 still ringing in your head. Now you cringing. That's PTSD. Good day.
Train your children to make healthy choices from a young age. When they make mistakes, help them understand that it's a part of growing up. Build a relationship that's big on mutual respect.

Side note: I said ass a lot in this, forgive me.

Idk, this is just how I feel about it. Shoot me.

Um, yeah. Be safe out here guys, the world is crazy. I love ya!


Hearts & hugs,
Raye.

Souls, Souls & More Souls - Soul Ties.

HI, HELLO, I'M BACK ALREADY!

I didn't feel like I should leave you guys hanging for so long while knowing I finished this early!

If you haven't really noticed, my posts are biweekly (every two weeks) so this is a big deal.

I feel like Drake rn. LMAO. Okay yeah, the post.

I talk about energy and vibes a lot. I really really grew up believing only in what I was able to see. But as I got older, I learned more about the world that goes beyond our physical sight. The spiritual. Let's get past all the witchcraft & wizardry that people normally associate with the spiritual realm. Let's really think about it.

A soul tie is a linkage between two people in the soul realm through sexual relations and/or deep emotional involvement. A soul tie can be beneficial but it can also be detrimental. Many people don't realize how often we exchange energy. Literally every day with just about everyone. These energetic bonds deepen with time.

So yes, you can have a wonderful soul tie with someone you love, perhaps in a marriage or a relationship, even in a strictly platonic friendship. Strictly beneficial to you both because you help each other to grow & prosper for a lifetime. You want this kind of soul tie. It's important to have a divine connection with someone. Shout out to all my babies that add value to my life.

But. What about those soul ties that'll ruin your life? The kind that steals your peace & makes you emotionally unavailable. Yeah, don't nobody wanna be that way but.. Life. Lol. I can regrettably relate. At least.. Let me not say regrettably because I learned a lot from this. Still learning actually.

Story time lil babies.

Have you ever been insanely & inexplicably attached to someone? Like, your life would probably be or has been at a standstill if or when they left? Like you want nothing to do with them yet you still find yourself obsessing over them? You might even want to get back with them even though the relationship serves you no purpose; it's become completely disadvantageous to you.

Yeah that was me.
This dude was literally my world. My best friend. My lover. Everything.
We had an indisputable connection. Nothing was able to contest it.
Or so I thought.
Everything fell apart though.
I can tell you guys the story a million times over but the gist is:
We were both wrong. The blame is carried equally on both sides.

We separated physically but emotionally? Ha. What a joke.

 I was attached. I went through withdrawals as if I were on drugs..

And I was. In my head though.

I cried and cried and cried.
For months.
At first, it was because although being with him & being around him became too hard to handle emotionally, I just didn't want to move on. I didn't know how to move on.
It felt like nobody understood where I was coming from at all. All my friends constantly told me to leave him alone but I couldn't.
I tried but it just wasn't that simple.

Lol, listen to me now.
Cause this gon' seem like I'm on some bullshit.

You know how people like to have casual sex?

Yeah, don't.

Sex is.. I preach this so often cause it took me a while to understand and I really want people to get it as well.

Sex is MORE than just skin to skin. It's WAY MORE spiritual than it is physical. Idk if it's a female thing because males really do be on some bullshit but it can't just be me!

This is where the soul tie came in for me in this situation. Although that wasn't the only thing we bonded over, it was a huge factor in why I felt so bound to him.
Literally, I found myself acting like him. Speaking like him.  Thinking like him. It's been 2 years and I still find myself behaving like him in certain situations and that truly makes me cringe.
You ever stopped while doing or saying something and think 'wow, this is something -insert partner's name- would say/do"?
That's because you've connected your soul to theirs. It can literally take forever to get over someone you've been involved with sexually because a piece of them is with you and vice versa.
Hence, I'm very careful about who I have sex with. I'm actually celibate as it stands.
Because who REALLY has the time to be battling demons and spirits all in the name of an orgasm?

 

My life is tedious enough as is. Go away. Keep your demon sex away from me.

But on some real spit, listen to your friends when they say it's hard to let that one toxic person go. ESPECIALLY when they don't wanna let you go.
Truth is, most people don't ever really break these bonds.
They tend to bury the emotions & memories under new relationships and sexual encounters.
And THAT, my beloved babies, is NOT healthy.
I firmly believe that it has to be an intentional and deliberate release. Nothing like that happens over night.

My advice?

• Be honest with yourself - It's not really the easiest thing to talk about but you gotta realize when something is affecting you negatively.  'If you love it, let it kill you.' Hi, hello, NO. You do not need to sacrifice your peace of mind all in the name of love (sometimes it's not even love but we won't get into all of that right now). Love yourself more than you love anyone & anything else.
• Acknowledge the soul tie and ask God to release you - Confront the issue head on. Repent. Pray. Ask God to help you let this thing go. Do this as often as you need to until you can literally feel the difference. You can feel when the burden has been lifted off of your shoulders.
• Listen to me, delete/get rid of/burn every gaddamn thing you have with that person or persons - I am personally a damn hoarder so this is VERY hard on me. But really, you think you gonna let it go if you're constantly reminded of them? Pictures, clothing, notes, messages. Trash it all. Burn whatever. It may seem like nothing but it's so important. Block/unfollow them on social media. No contact whatsoever.
• Forgive yourself & forgive the person - Yeah, it's no easy feat to accept that you f'd yourself over or let someone f- you over. Forgiveness is crucial to move on. And normally, you have to forgive without receiving an apology. But don't worry too much about that. Forgiveness breaks the power they have over you. You are in complete control of your thoughts and actions at this point. The peace of mind you'll gain is one that you wouldn't believe.
• Stay free; avoid a relapse - Do not. For God's sake. DO NOT reconnect with this person. There's really no telling what kind of effect that can have on you. You worked hard to get over them, please do not put yourself in a vulnerable position. You already know they're not good for you so please remember your value & worth. Love from a distance. 

Alright, I believe I've made my point. Thank you again for reading! I appreciate you more than you know. Thank you for believing in the dream. Until next time!

Hearts & hugs,
Raye.

The Re-Up/Better Days

Hey guys,
Hope you're all doing well, September is almost done!
Finally!
It's never a good month for me and this year, nothing changed lol.
Good news is, it's Libra season!
Which means my birthday is approaching. October 20th.
Accepting gifts, money, lunch dates & souls all month.

But, on to business.

I don’t really have any topic I’d like to develop this week because truthfully I’m still mentally exhausted from my last post.

I took a mini hiatus from the social media I normally use all the time (Snapchat & Twitter) for a week.

If you noticed, cool. If you didn’t, that’s fine too. I guess I’ll tell you guys a bit about that. 

But first!

I wanna thank everyone that read my last blog.. It’s up to 1600 views and that is amazing. 

Thank you for reading my blog on the whole! 

Thank you for sharing, thank you for everything.
Awkward hugs for you all!

When I started this blog, I really thought it’d be more like a diary to be honest.. Thought I would just be ranting all the time. 

But as I said in my first post.. This writing thing is much bigger than me.

It’s a platform & as long as people are listening, I’ll use it for the greater good.

I have so many things planned and I can’t wait to share.

Okay, mini hiatus.

Just gonna be completely real & tell you all that I had probably one of the biggest meltdowns of my life (there have been numerous big ones so I can’t say it’s the biggest lol) probably like... Two days after I posted my blog. 

It wasn’t that exact factor that pushed me to the edge but it definitely contributed to the level of stress I’m facing right now. 

‘If it caused you so much grief, why not delete it?’

Because .. Truth be told, nobody else would do it. Being a voice in a time or during a topic where nobody wants to speak has always been me.
There is nothing I haven’t been through that I haven’t gotten through.
I may be down for a bit but I will bounce back, check the title of my blog fam. 

I needed that disconnect because I needed to put some things in my life back into perspective..

I did just that & I’m more focused than ever.

Back & I’m better.

Thank you to everyone who actually  did notice that I was missing & came to check on me. I love you! 

No shade to anyone who didn’t, it’s not a big deal. 

But yeah, *shakes self because I’m straying* .

I made a post on my Snapchat about the reactions I got from my blog & I said something that’ll stay with me forever.

People came & told me things like:

‘It’s really crazy to know that happened to you.’ 

‘How are you even okay right now?’

‘I would never have known because you don’t act like it.’

Well...

Let’s just say that I’ve grown despite all the adversity I’ve faced. I’ve come a very long way & I am very proud of myself. I’ve learned to pick up the pieces & put myself back together. 

It’s been hard because some days I really just wanted to stay on the floor and let dust collect all over me until I die. For lack of a better explanation.

Explaining my depression is a task.

It comes in waves. 

Some days, a little wave that I’m able to stand through & let it roll off of me.

Other days.. It’s a salami. I mean, lmao. A tsunami.

^ A way I’m known to cope: I downplay my pain with a joke or twenty.

:).

But yes, I’m distracted again smt.

What I said in my story that evening to answer all those synonymous questions: 

‘That’s just who I am. Because when you’ve been through enough darkness, you know how important it is to spread light.’

Spreading light is so important to me because I know what it’s like to be spiraling & screaming internally and nobody notices.

Sometimes, you need that little push. That little hug. That little ‘I love you’. That reassurance (this is a big one for me). You need to hear that it’ll be okay. That you’ll get through. That for every dark night, there is a better & brighter day. I know what it’s like to need that. It’s only right to uplift people every chance I get. It’s only right to spread pure positive vibes. Even when I’m not 100% myself. 

Someone asked me, ‘How do you stay positive?’

I believe prayer changes things. Prayer. I pray. Every day.
As often as I can. 

It’s 5:37 AM as I’m writing this and as soon as I’m done, I’m going to pray. I know I’m not perfect but I know God loves me anyway. He’s working on me. 

And on days when things are perfectly fine & dandy, I pray.

When my anxiety attacks & my peace tries to escape me, I pray.

When I feel lost, I pray.

When everything goes the way I want it to, I pray. 

That’s really it. 

Why?

Because God is greater than the highs & lows. He’s intentional & never failing.

The actual love of my life. 

Everything doesn’t happen when I want it to or how I want it to all the time. . But that’s fine. 

Sabali, patience.

As it stands right now.. Everything isn’t perfect. But I won’t complain because I know how bad it could be. 

But I just wanna reinforce the fact that it gets better. Better days are coming. I cannot stress that enough. 

So, in the words of my good friend A. Major as you all may know him..

Actually..

You know what?

No I ain’t bout to quote it.

Just listen to the song. This song really really makes me happy for every time. Happier because he's actually a really good & supportive friend of mine. I'd bet my life it'll make you smile and brighten your mood.

It's called Both Worlds/Better. Here’s a link. 

Actually.. Go listen to & buy my friend’s album.

It's called The Weekend & it's really amazing.

Bey, how did this turn into a promo?
Anyways, I'm wrapping up !
I know that every person reading may not be Bahamian but majority of you are & if you haven't listened/purchased yet, thank me later.

Here are the official links to the album.
iTunes.
Spotify.
Tidal.
SoundCloud.

But y’all be safe & stay prayed up. The world is crazy. 

Hearts & hugs,

Raye.